“Let’s be honest. Heartbreak Island has already lived up to its name for some of you” Matilda says. And she isn’t wrong. Episode one was all warm-fuzzies and getting to know each other – but more than one hopeless romantic is nursing a wound from episode two‘s recoupling.
And it only gets more brutal from here, with secret kisses, eliminations and shocking new rules.
Heartbreak Island 1st episode recap: How does this show work?
Heartbreak Island 2nd episode recap: Partner swaps, betrayal and black outs
The newly recoupled couples
No one seems upset with their new match. In fact everyone seems pretty damn pleased! It is the people they didn’t end up with who ended up in the dog box. But the good news is, if you’re confused about who is with who now, you aren’t alone.
The current standings are:
Joshua strayed when Gennady thought they were both picking stay so that is a big drama. Georgia explains that “she said you guys had decided to pick stay.” but Gennady is mad at Joshua for thinking she told everyone that when she apparently never said it at all and it is all a bit “he said” “she said” and, like the other contestants we are all just going to stay out of this one.
Joshua’s big mood over Gennady.
Kristian goes on a weird rant to Ruby about “we may as well enjoy every moment we can here.” And how every moment counts and we are like whoa man, chill out just a tad there bro? But Ruby seems keen though. “We both want to win and we’re lucky that we’ve actually found each other.”
Josh and Tiffany stayed together and he is keen on her. She on the other hand… “I’m definitely going to look for love elsewhere even though I’m still in a couple with Josh.”
Later, Harry and Georgia seem to be having fun together despite his shock decision to pick her over Weiting. They are flirting away like a house on fire. “As long as you don’t try to kiss me we’ll be all good” she says “Oh nah I’d rather vomit. Your breath smells like dog breath” he retorts. The weird bit is that Kristian is cuddled up with them on the day bed as they flirt. No sign of Ruby in sight.
Kristian third-wheeling Harry and Georgia’s cuddle sesh. So normal.
While everyone is having a drink and unwinding after the challenge, Tiffany and Tavita are looking close. They chat. They kiss. Tiff goes back to her bure and hugs Josh. Josh reckons “so far so good” on winning Tiff over. Oh dear.
Joshua and Gennady make their peace: “well done chick, love you to bits, let’s go have a drink!” That was uncharacteristically nice – we thought this was reality TV!?
The first elimination challenge
With Stacy sporting a particularly egregious man bun, the contestants head to a foot-shaped island for a challenge. Mark announces that “we’re not playing just for fun anymore. This time, two of you are going home.”
Everyone is somehow shocked. It seems they thought this was just a fun holiday where one of them got money at the end.
Then the hosts get a little weird. “Kristian, you got the girl you wanted, do you think you guys are going to go all the way?” Whoa, Matilda, personal question there! We think she meant “do you think you and Ruby could win this competition” but what she said sounded more like “are you gonna bone?” Yikes.
The jokes only get worse from there. “So, to today’s challenge: we call this the ballbreaker.” All giggle raucously because Mark has said “ballbreaker”. Joshua looks like he may burst.
Through the jokes, we finally get that the aim of the challenge is to knock out all four panels from your opponent’s target while the guy from their team defends it. The girls retrieve ammunition for their slingshots from a pool of milk. Yes. Milk. Gross.
An actual pool of milk. In this economy.
The team who knocks out all the panels the fastest wins immunity from elimination for her team.
Oh and the final prize has had a car added to it. So it is 100 grand and a car.
All the guys seem impressed at how the girls handle their slingshots and more than one receive a few bruises. Tavita makes lots of noise as a strategy. Josh hurls insults at Gennady as she hurls balls at him. “Your swimsuit looks like my nana’s tablecloth!” is a particular stand out.
Stacy has hearts in his eyes as he admits “watching Shayna perform I was pretty mindblown ay I was like where has this little weapon come from?”
Stacy somehow knows that his reflex time is down to 3 hundreths of a second and Kelsey laments that he “won’t stop blocking my balls!” Yeah, that’s the aim of the game, hun. Shayna hits out her last panel and even though the results aren’t till tomorrow, it looks like she and Stacy have this one in the bag.
Elimination
It is elimination time and no one could accuse these people of not taking it seriously. “This looming elimination doesn’t feel like someone’s leaving the island it feels like someone’s dying” says Kristian.
Because Shayna and Stacy won the challenge, they have immunity. We can’t help but be relieved because they look physically pained to be a few metres apart at the elimination ceremony.
But of course someone has to come last. Ella and Izaak are going home.
That is unless someone chooses to engage this bizarre new twist. “The playback option” swaps their partner for one of the two people who are up for elimination saving the person and sacrificing their current partner.
All the guys choose their current partner so Ella is going home.
All the girls choose their current partners too – so Izaak and Ella have been eliminated.
Everyone cries. There is a weird little music-videoey moving shot of Izaak talking to the camera as he leaves then they are gone.
Now we just need someone tell Kristian that Izaak and Ella are OK and that they haven’t died.
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