Heartbreak Island 5th episode recap: loopholes and bombshells

Which is more fun? Swimming with sharks or dating them?

Epsiode 5 and Kristian and Tiffany have gone home.

“It’s 2018 and, like, girl power is such a thing now,” says Ruby, who chose to save Harry, sending Kristian home. “We can’t let boys treat us the way Kristian spoke to me. Every single girl in the house has come up to me and been like you go, girl.”

So Ruby is now with Harry, and Josh is now with Georgia – but Georgia and Harry are also like, together together. Confused yet? Yeah, same.

Despite their new matches, Harry and Georgia are snuggling up on top of each other in a bure discussing how “stoked” they are to have been saved. “Harry and I are definitely staying strategic,” says the secretly loved-up Georgia.

“It would be very smart for Harry and Georgia not to recouple,” observes Joshua. “If either of them lose a challenge and they are on the chopping block, they’re just gonna save one another. And get rid of their other partner respectively.”

Dangerous game there, kids!

Georgia and Harry who are apparently not in an official couple. Just in a bed. Togther. With no pants.

The official “couples” sleeping arrangements seem to have gone out the window altogether because even Ruby and Kelsey are in bed together with no sign of Kelsey’s match, Julius. Josh seems to have eschewed sleep for pacing about neurotically.

Even lover-boy Stacy is telling Natasha that he’ll “look after” her when she talks about being worried that she’s going home. For the first time in the competition, we aren’t seeing hearts in Stacy’s eyes over Shayna. It looks as if everything has gone topsy-turvy.

Especially when Harry reveals that Stacy is “gonna shock everyone when he pulls through with what he’s got going on.” Yikes.

The day spa, the quad bike and the sharks

The teams all go off on separate challenges and we can’t help but observe the unequal nature of who gets to do what.

Two teams get on a bus to a day spa. Stacy and Shayna get a well deserved massage after winning two challenges in a row. Tavita hopes to “get my back, sack and crack done” but settles for a spa bath with Gennady instead.

Joshua and Weiting go quadbiking – and on the way, Weiting (adorably) reveals she doesn’t know what a llama is. What she thinks is a llama turns out to be a small goat. We agree with Joshua – she needs help.

“I think if Weiting had her own bike, it would probably be up the wrong way,” Joshua reckons.

Lincoln and Natasha, Kelsey and Julius go river boating. Lincoln expresses (privately, to the audience) that he is quite keen on Kelsey. Julius is quite keen on Natasha. We aren’t sure what is in that river but all four of these crazy young things seem keen to jump ship.

Josh and Georgia, Harry and Ruby go swimming with white-tip sharks and it turns out to be the best of all the activities – or at least Harry thinks so.

Not only does the Aussie lad think that because he is Australian, he is “pretty much Steve Irwin”, he is also pretty pleased that “I’ve got Georgia’s big booty in my face, I’ve got sharks down ‘ere, it doesn’t get much better.”

Josh is less confident. “Here I go. See if I get eaten.”

He doesn’t. And he shouldn’t have worried. All the sharks were back on shore, staying in bures with him…

Stay or stray with a passion play “plus” – not an infomercial

This week’s stay or stray recoupling ceremony is followed by a passion play “plus” and we can’t help but feel like it is a relationship infomercial because it is all very flashy.

Especially when our golden boy, our Romeo to Shayna’s juliet says “I don’t think you can have love and money on heartbreak Island I think you have to choose one or the other.” If the dramatic music hadn’t already put us on the edge of our seats, that would have.

The contestants go forward and choose their stay or stray options. Then Mark throws a curveball.

“Georgia, who do you share a bure with?”

“I share it with Josh.”

“Who did you share it with last night?”

“A daddy long legs” and for a second we think that might just be her weird nickname for good ol’ Hazza.

“Would I be correct in saying Harry?” Harry, at this point, is shaking in his abnormally large boots.

“You would be” says Georgia, and their secret romance is not so secret anymore.

“Georgia and Harry tried to find a loophole but that’s not how it works.” says Tavita. “If you’re a legitimate couple here on Heartbreak Island, you gotta be a legitimate couple.”

“Harry. Whats easier? Swimming with sharks, or dating them?” asks Mark. We can’t help but wonder if the couples were sent on the shark excursion purely so Mark could make that joke.

“Is there anyone that now wishes to review their decision and join the passion play? If not, the passion play plus will become an elimination”

Georgia returns to the podium – and strays Josh. Harry returns to the podium and strays Ruby. Therefore the passion play plus does not become an elimination. No one is going home tonight.

At the end of the passion play, only two couples have chosen to stay together.

Shayna chooses to stay. Stacy breaks our hearts by saying “Shayna, unfortunately…” breath held, tissues at the ready… “you’re gonna have to put up with [me] a little bit longer because I chose to stay.” He winks. We can all breathe again. We have our eye on you, Stacy.

“Stayna”, as Tavita has dubbed them, are, along with Weiting and Joshua, are the only couples who stay together. Everyone else enters the passion play “plus”.

Though the order of choosing in the passion play is based on the results of the last challenge, the “plus” turns out to be a caveat that Lincoln and Natasha choose first, having not had a chance to choose their partners yet. We bet Tavita is a little miffed about that since as he mentioned last passion play, neither has he.

After the passion play, with everyone reshuffled, we are a little confused about who went where and who is with who.

So we made this helpful current standings list so we all know who’s with who:

Stacy and Shayna, “Stayna”

Joshua and Weiting

Natasha and Julius

Lincoln and Gennady

Tavita and Kelsey

Josh and Ruby

Harry and Georgia – “now an honest couple” – thanks Mark, for ruining all the fun Bure jumping. Yet we don’t think we’ve seen the last of their shenanigans.

Heartbreak Island 1st episode recap: How does this show work?

Heartbreak Island 2nd episode recap: Partner swaps, betrayal and black outs

Heartbreak Island 3rd episode recap: Secret kisses, higher stakes and elimination

Heartbreak Island 4th episode recap: thrown under the bus

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