We all know a mirror reflects your physical appearance, but it can also reflect all your fears and insecurities. Just a few short years ago, Gaby Solomona looked in the mirror and didn’t like who she saw looking back.
Ask her how she felt standing in front of it, and the 33-year-old’s answer is brutal. “Ugly and fat,” she replies. “But I wasn’t.”
For the Samoan-Kiwi actress and radio host, it was a low point in a spiral that saw her ignoring her health and mental wellbeing as she threw herself into her work, chased unattainable beauty standards and set herself the impossible goal of being liked by everyone.
Gaby recalls, “When I saw myself in the mirror, I always thought, ‘I’m not worthy. I’m not ready to be in this industry. I’m not ready to be liked. Who would want to like someone like me? I’m not what everybody else wants me to be’.
“I had the lowest self-worth and didn’t think I needed to look after myself. But as long as I was doing my work and everybody else was happy, then it was OK. I normalised that for so long.”
Outwardly, things were only going up. Gaby had been named host of Niu FM’s Morning Shack breakfast show, her sassy Pasifika comedy series Sis was a hit, and she’d landed roles in popular shows Double Parked and Creamerie. Inwardly, however, she was sinking, ignoring everything in her life except her career.
“I was constantly busy, not looking after my body and not eating or sleeping well,” she admits. “I thought if I wanted to be successful, I just had to do the work. But it came to the detriment of my own health and I had a massive scare.”
Feeling a complete lack of energy, she went to the doctor for a blood test and was diagnosed as severely anaemic. Even with an iron transfusion, it took her eight months to fully recover and she had to change her entire routine, including her diet and sleep habits.
Now taking supplements and focused on looking after herself, Gaby says the past lack of Pasifika representation in mainstream media had contributed to her lack of self-worth.
“Back in the day, when I was growing up, a lot of what I saw on TV was skinny, white, blonde girls,” she explains. “I never saw anyone that looked like me. That made me think that if I society to accept me and people to like me, I need to look like that.”
Gaby admits she spent years trying various “stupid diets”, which were bad for her health. “I got really skinny – the tiniest I’ve ever been – and I still felt ugly. It’s so sad when I look at photos from back then and think of my state of mind. I know a lot of young girls do the same to themselves.”
The actress is extremely grateful to have turned her life around, but she insists, “I’m still on that journey today. I surround myself with genuine people and I have the best friends, who remind me who I am and speak life into me when I’m not feeling the best.
“I’m always nervous before I do a gig, whether that’s acting, MCing or something else in the public eye. I’m always freaking out, but my friends remind me that it’s not about what I look like – it’s who I am as a person that matters.”
Now people are getting the opportunity to see who Gaby really is on Celebrity Treasure Island. For her, it’s not just a good time on reality TV. It’s a chance to prevent Pasifika youth from feeling how she did watching TV all those years ago.
“For me, being on a mainstream platform as a young Samoan woman, you don’t see that often so, I’m here to represent,” Gaby smiles.
“I hope all the other little brown girls see me and are like, ‘You can do something like that? Then so can I!’”
Watch Celebrity Treasure Island Mondays to Wednesdays at 7.30pm on TVNZ 2 and TVNZ+.
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