Pictures: Tabitha Arthur
A decade ago, Wellington mum-of-three Emma-Kate Woodham was at the tail end of divorce, juggling hospital trips for her sick son and suffering from debilitating anxiety. She was also battling post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after a lifetime of near-death experiences and operations for a rare heart condition.
Today, Emma-Kate, 49, is the happiest and healthiest she has ever been. She credits a special kind of medicine – mindfulness.
Every morning, she wakes at 5am to start a daily mindfulness practice. It includes meditation and journalling, followed by a 40-minute walk with her dog. Then she heads to her job as a mindfulness coach helping others struggling with life.
“Growing up, I was told I wouldn’t make it to adulthood or have kids because I was born with the heart condition truncus arteriosus,” says Emma-Kate. Her parents were told she had a 1% chance of survival at birth. “I had the first of many heart surgeries as a newborn.
“I did make it and became a mum! But all three of my babies were premature and after I had my daughter Eilidh, who’s 14, I needed another heart surgery. My biggest fear was dying and not seeing them grow up.”
As well as having lost the twin of her eldest son Warner, 18, followed by losing the twin of her second son Rossi, 16, Emma-Kate found out Rossi had the heart condition tetralogy of Fallot. It caused oxygen-poor blood to flow from his heart to the rest of his body. The youngster needed open-heart surgery as a baby.
“I felt a huge amount of guilt that I’d passed on my heart condition. I also experienced a lot of grief for what I thought Rossi’s life would be,” says Emma-Kate. She believes she’s the oldest person in Australasia with truncus arteriosus.
“Being sick and having a sick child wasn’t helpful when it came to my marriage, which ended. I became frustrated there wasn’t support beyond the medical care when I really needed it, so I created it.”
Emma-Kate began looking into ways to take the best care of herself, stumbling across an advert online for a mindfulness course in Melbourne. She went and never looked back.
“Mindfulness is aligning the body and mind through things like deep breathing, exercising, and eating and sleeping better,” she explains. “When I started, my energy and sleep improved. I was able to cope far better, and even came off my regular pain and blood pressure medication.”
She opened Emma-Kate Wellbeing in 2018, dedicating her career to helping children and their families living with long-term health or neurodivergent conditions.
“I know how scary it is to be at the mercy of hospital visits and medical interventions, not knowing what’s coming,” says Emma-Kate.
“I try to support everybody in the family because the child has a circle, starting with the parents. Also, I work with siblings because they’re often left behind and trying not to make a fuss, so they push feelings down that can come out later.”
Emma-Kate didn’t realise she’d suffered severe anxiety herself as a teen until she was at a wellness conference in her forties. She used to vomit for weeks before college exams and doctors weren’t sure why.
“We didn’t know about anxiety back then and post-traumatic stress wasn’t talked about,” she says. “Instead, my childhood focused heavily on fixing my heart because I was going to die.
“I still get anxiety, but I know it’s just a moment where I need to do a few nurturing things for myself and it’ll go.”
The busy mum has passed her mindfulness skills on to her own children. Her daughter Eilidh has autism and ADHD, and recently started joining Emma-Kate on her early morning walks.
She used cooking lessons for Rossi, who suffered PTSD, like his mum, due to multiple heart operations and hospital stays.
“He wouldn’t have a bar of mindfulness, so I gave him cooking lessons and slipped in some grounding exercises,” Emma-Kate laughs.
“His self-confidence grew with cooking and putting food on the table for us all. He just blossomed. That tiny, sick baby is now six-foot-four [1.93m], really healthy and goes to the gym! I couldn’t be prouder of all my kids.”
In November 2020, Emma-Kate launched the Brain Garden Trust. It’s a charity that provides support, advocacy and resources for families unable to afford private mindfulness services.
She named it in honour of her beloved late mother Sally-Anne, an avid gardener, who passed away in February the same year.
“Mum helped me reach adulthood, despite the odds, so it’s an ode to her,” says Emma-Kate. She’s now seeking funding to create an app with on-hand mindfulness resources. “Brain Garden is also a neurology term that talks about growing the good and pulling out the weeds.
“We’re trying to plant seeds for parents who can come along and water them, nurture their families and grow. If I can lessen someone else’s suffering, that’s what I’ll do.”
For more information or to donate, head to thebraingardentrust.nz.
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