Sophie Piearcey. Emily Adamson.
It’s been three years since young widow Jana MacPherson’s husband Hamish died. In the initial aftermath of “losing her person”, the Queenstown-based chef did everything she could to keep life steady for her two kids, Hunter and River, who were eight and six at the time.
“The first year after Hamish died, I threw myself into the children,” says Jana, 44. “Anything they needed, I put them top of the list.”
But her therapist made her realise that to be the mum she wanted to be for her son and daughter, she also had to learn to take care of herself.
“My therapist’s words that I still talk to people about are: ‘Eat, move, sleep, connect.’ Sometimes that’s all you can cling to.
“There’s something to be said for living each season without your person. Once the kids and I had lived each season of that first year, I could put myself back on the list. I began doing more exercise, lost a bit of weight and started seeing my friends more.”
Devastating loss
While the devastation of losing her husband of nine years to melanoma when he was aged just 49 was almost too much to bear, the food blogger has fought hard to reignite her love of life.
That’s included the passion she has for helping others discover how to make delicious weeknight dinners through her popular online offering, The MacPherson Diaries.
The business blossomed after Hamish and Jana moved from Auckland to Queenstown in 2013, and the passionate chef stopped working at the restaurant/café the couple owned to raise their kids.
“I was at home with two young babies, so I started sharing life on Instagram. People loved my food content – it came really naturally as my mum’s a chef, and my
dad worked in film and television, so merging the two was easy.”
‘When you’ve been through trauma, you cut out the crap’
As her platform grew, she’d just created a subscription programme to relaunch her menu-planning service as an app when the family received Hamish’s shock diagnosis. The couple held onto hope he’d survive with a Givealittle page paying for rounds of immunotherapy at $55,000 a time and medication totalling $5500 a month.
Sadly, however, Hamish passed away within months.
“We nursed him at home and that was a humbling, beautiful experience,” shares Jana. “I’d been really scared of death previously.”
Surrounded by community
The community rallied and as well as a lasagne bakes, there were other simple meals dropped off to the woman who describes food as her love language.
Jana explains, “Some of the best things were pumpkin soup and cheese rolls, and a hot chicken, buns and coleslaw. They were from the heart.
“I feed from my heart too. Part of it’s nourishment to set my children up for a great day. But food is also little moments of joy: Popcorn salad – popcorn with lollies in it – when you watch a movie or burgers watching the rugby.”
Embracing life one meal at a time
Simple meals, Jana reflects, are part of the family’s never-ending healing journey. She recalls one night when Hunter, now 10, had a friend staying and they wanted McDonald’s, but that would have cost more than $100, so Jana made her own, presenting the meal like takeaways.
That ingenuity with store-bought products made her the ideal host and menu creator for the Real-Life Restaurant by Angel Bay, a pop-up burger bistro that recently took place in Auckland.
Angel Bay surveyed people about what’s in their fridges. Knowing that two-thirds of people raid the fridge, freezer or pantry for a last-minute meal rather than get takeaways, Jana devised a fitting menu, including cheeseburgers with a jalapeño popper dipping sauce and pickles, plus a burger with mac ’n’ cheese.
Navigating grief as a family
Yet what she knows is that even in the happy times, there’ll always be reminders and moments of sadness for their family.
Jana tells, “My children grieve differently. River often doesn’t want to talk about grief, whereas Hunter, who has ADHD and is autistic, likes to talk about Dad all the time.”
It was a cruel irony that Jana’s father died on Hamish’s birthday two years ago, although she doesn’t dwell on the negative.
“We remember them on other days,” she says. “When you’ve been through big trauma, you cut out the crap and seek what serves you.”
A lesson she’s learnt is that strength comes when people share their problems.
“I don’t want people to think there is a hierarchy of grief. You could be separating, your grandmother could’ve died or you’ve lost your job – they’re all valid forms of grief.”
As Jana begins taking tentative steps into the dating world, she’s doing her best to embrace these new experiences.
“I was with Hamish for a quarter of my life – a whole chapter. Realising who you’re attracted to now is a journey and I’m just getting ready to meet someone. But life is for living. You have to take the opportunity – but protect your energy too.”
To follow Jana on Instagram, go to @the_macpherson_diaries. If you’re struggling with your mental health, text or call 1737 at any time to speak to a trained counsellor for free.
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