I take a deep breath and open the email. The message offers feedback on how I can improve my work. Suggestions on rewording and additions or paragraphs to be removed. It’s nothing new. It’s part of being a writer.
So why has it become increasingly hard to take this feedback on board? What was once water off a duck’s back now erodes at my confidence, making me question my abilities and heightens my anxiety.
It seems that as I’ve aged, I’m not as resilient as I used to be. Turns out I’m not alone.
We’re currently living in stressful times and research indicates many people’s mental health is being impacted by the rising cost of living.
“Many of us have been ‘managing’,” says Diane Young, psychotherapist trauma and addiction specialist.
“We’re faced with cost of living pressures and the ongoing need to keep all the balls in the air with fewer resources than ever. We can clearly see that the consistent and relentless loads we’re carrying are unsustainable. The juggle of the list of things to do can be overwhelming.”
The importance of resilience
Resilience plays a significant role in all areas of our lives. It allows us to communicate effectively and better manage our emotional intelligence. It positively impacts our mental wellbeing and increases our life satisfaction.
“Resilience empowers us to hold a positive view of ourselves, knowing we can overcome adversity in a realistic way instead of blaming people or circumstances for where we find ourselves,” says Diane.
“The steps we take when faced with problems can help us to strengthen our resilience and grow through the difficulties. Focusing on positive things gives us permission to make changes and move towards hopeful ways of being in the world.”
Building blocks for resilience
Diane reveals her expert tips for adults in need of a resilience top-up:
Speak up and ask for help
Whether in the workplace or your personal life, speaking out and seeking assistance is a sign of strength, not weakness. By asking for help, you gain valuable insights and demonstrate resilience by actively addressing challenges.
Reframe your thoughts
Ask yourself, “How can I change this situation for a better outcome? Is there an approach that would be more effective?”
Focus on what’s in your control
Rather than dwelling on external factors or circumstances beyond our influence, concentrate on actionable steps. For instance, if experiencing job insecurity, focus on updating your skills and networking or exploring new career opportunities to regain a sense of control over your professional life.
Push yourself
Take steps outside of your comfort zone. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Have a back-up plan for removing yourself from the situation in case you feel uncomfortable. Reward yourself for your confidence and success.
Check out your self-care
Prioritising self-care is fundamental to resilience, including adopting healthy sleep patterns, exercise routines and dietary habits. Allocate time for activities that nourish your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing, such as regular exercise, meditation or spending time in nature.
Manage your stress levels
Explore and cultivate a toolkit of various stress-reduction techniques tailored to your preferences and lifestyle. Incorporate practices such as deep-breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or engaging in creative outlets such as writing or painting.
Face your fear
Research has shown that repeatedly putting yourself in a stressful situation (exposure therapy) can help as it can change the associations you have with a particular scenario.
Re-evaluate life choices
Reflect on your life choices and goals, assessing whether they align with your values and aspirations. If you’re feeling stuck or unfulfilled, consider reassessing your priorities and exploring new avenues for personal or professional growth. Seek guidance to navigate transitions and cultivate resilience in pursuing your passions.
Take small steps
Break down daunting tasks or aspirations into manageable steps that you can tackle incrementally. Whether it’s starting a new project, learning a new skill or making positive lifestyle changes, each small step contributes to your resilience and progress.
Why it matters for women
Women who are resilient, irrespective of their stage of life, will often exhibit several characteristics: Effective emotional regulation, a feeling of being able to be in control, the ability to problem-solve and a strong social support system – usually other women and close family members.
“Women with resilience do not experience less distress, grief or anxiety, but they’re able to ask for help, and use healthy coping strategies to foster growth and strength,” says Diane.
“Resilient women have weathered several losses in life and know they can survive and thrive. They have self-compassion, and treat themselves kindly and with self-acceptance.”
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