Pictures: Emily Chalk
Whenever Natalie Medlock is starting to feel blue, she knows exactly what to do. Popping her two small dogs, Flick and Bolo, into the car, she leaves the city behind, driving north to a friend’s rural property where she keeps her horses. Being out in the fresh air, surrounded by nature and animals, helps put her head in a better space.
“I’ve had a lot of mental health stuff and when I’m with the horses, it’s one of the few times I feel like my brain switches off,” explains the Auckland actress and screenwriter. “It just seems to recalibrate things.
“There’s the lovely connection with the horse, the thrill of galloping down a beach and also the progress you make – you grow as a rider and the horse grows with you.”
Natalie, 40, has struggled with mental health issues since her early teens and had a breakdown in her late twenties.
“It was more than depression and anxiety,” she explains. “I had very dark thoughts and disassociation – a feeling of being outside my body – and thought I was going crazy.”
Unfortunately, Natalie’s depression and anxiety has proved to be treatment-resistant.
“I’ve been on pretty much every medication that’s available in New Zealand, a concoction of so many tablets, and none of them have worked for me.”
Then, four years ago, Natalie suffered her eighth concussion when one of her horses accidentally head-butted her.
“Afterwards, I had chronic pain – these terrible headaches that never stopped,” she recalls. “Doctors put me on a lot more pharmaceuticals and nerve blockers, things to keep me awake because of the downers. For two years, I could barely function, I was so completely debilitated by the pain and the medication.”
In the end, Natalie went to the US to try a controversial treatment that isn’t available here. Psilocybin is a psychoactive compound found in mushrooms. In some parts of the US, doctors are using it as a treatment for severe depression.
“I started microdosing with psilocybin and within three days, it had healed my headache,” says Natalie. “Then I spent a year coming off all but one of my other medications and I’ve stopped microdosing.
“Finally, I feel like I’m able to get back to work, writing and acting. I am really functioning again and living life properly.”
Natalie, who played Shortland Street’s nurse Jill Kingsbury and co-wrote the TVNZ series The Pact, currently has some other writing projects in development. Meanwhile, viewers can see her appearing alongside Jono Pryor in new Three comedy Vince.
“That show was so much fun to do,” she enthuses. “It was such a lovely time working with a great bunch of people who are all really funny.”
While she has turned a corner now, Natalie knows she still has to pay attention to her mental health and take good care of herself.
“Depression and anxiety will always be a thing in my life,” she says. “I can’t imagine that they’ll ever go away. But now I feel like I’m equipped to battle them a bit better and chase my dreams again. Some days it’s hard and others it’s fine.”
On the harder days, it helps to be around her horses. Mouse is a bay standardbred, who was originally bought for Natalie’s former boyfriend, actor Robbie Magasiva. Meanwhile, Tora, a handsome grey hunter, belongs to her mother, but she’s riding him at the moment.
“If I have any spare time, the horses fill it,” says Natalie, who has packed her Instagram page with images of her and Mouse jumping over fences. “We ride in Riverhead Forest and on Okura Beach, and take them swimming sometimes. I wouldn’t describe myself as an adrenaline junkie, but I believe in feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
“Some people say I shouldn’t be riding because of the concussions, but most of mine had nothing to do with horses. One was at work on set and another was a biking accident – besides, I’m just as likely to trip over my own doorstep!”
The break-up from Robbie happened during the period when Natalie was still suffering from chronic pain.
“It wasn’t pleasant splitting up, obviously, but I think it was the right thing to do at the time. There’s no regrets around it,” she says. “I caught up with him recently because he likes to see the dogs and Mouse, and me too, and he’s doing really well.”
For now, Natalie is enjoying having her life back on track and is content with being single. “I’ve got the dogs and horses, and I’m happy with that.”
In darker times, if she feels like staying in bed, knowing her animals need looking after is what gets Natalie moving. She believes keeping your sense of humour is also important.
“Mine has kept me alive,” she shares. “In my darkest hours, I’ve laughed. That, the animals, being outdoors and having good friends are my three strategies for looking after my mental health. And one thing’s for sure: I’m happiest around horses.”
Vince screens 8.35pm Thursdays on Three and streams on ThreeNow.
If you’re struggling with your mental health, call or text 1737 at any time to talk to a trained counsellor for free.
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