I once spent a whole year of my life living, breathing and, in many cases, crying my way through self-help books. Each month, I picked a new book and did absolutely everything it told me to do in the hope that it would transform my broke, hungover, periodically depressed existence.
In the name of conquering my fears, I jumped out of planes, did stand-up comedy and modelled naked. I spent a month getting rejected every day as a part of a masochistic form of self-help called “Rejection Therapy” in the hope that the flames would rid me of my anxiety.
Spoiler alert: It didn’t happen. Not at all. By the end of the year, I had not turned into a cross between Buddha and Beyoncé. Instead, I was exhausted and overwhelmed by all the crazy things I’d done.
I learned that when it comes to wellness, less really is more.
Fortunately, the self-help world seems to be catching up to this approach with a book that embodies this ethos: The 1% Wellness Experiment by life coach Gabrielle Treanor. Its premise is that you need not devote hours to working on your wellbeing, you can improve your life by taking just one percent of your day – equal to about 10 minutes – to focus on your mental health.
Micro-gain-getter
Research backs up this strategy of what’s called “marginal gains”. The book cites British Cycling as the proof that micro changes soon add up. For many years, British Cycling was in the gutter. In 110 years, no British cyclist had ever won the Tour de France and, by 2003, the British team had won just one Olympic medal in the previous 100 years.
Then performance coach Dave Brailsford was brought in, with the aim of improving every aspect of the sport by one percent. He made seemingly insignificant changes – from getting the team to wash their hands more thoroughly to prevent the spread of germs to finding more suitable mattresses to help them get a good night’s sleep – believing the accumulation of all the tiny tweaks would make a difference. He was right. Five years later, British Cycling won more than half of the cycling gold medals at the 2008 Beijing Olympics.
Often, we overestimate the importance of making big, drastic changes, while underestimating the impact of carrying out small daily tweaks. Whether it’s writing a book, improving our friendships or starting to exercise, we can all learn from the micro-gains approach. What’s more, we can have fun trying!
Tiny tremors
I pick up Gabrielle’s book in a state of exhaustion. I’ve just finished a project I’ve spent three years working on and feel totally depleted on every front. Could just 10 minutes a day actually help me feel better?
I start with the first experiment the book suggests: To pick a guiding word that will act as a reminder of how I want to feel, be or act. Gabrielle suggests writing down many words and seeing how they make your body feel. Straightaway I write down “energised”, but then the next day, I wake up with a rotten cold. I change my word to “rest” and as soon as I do, I feel my body sigh with relief.
Then I follow the advice to spend 10 minutes being my own best friend – a concept that makes me roll my eyes. But the book says that the simple act of being kind to yourself boosts your immune system. For someone who is punishingly hard on myself and in the middle of my umpteenth cold of the year, this strikes a chord. So what to do?
“Think of a situation when you have been hard on yourself. Now, think about how you would have spoken and talked to a good friend about it.” I think about how hard I am on myself for getting tired and sick. If I was my own best friend, what would I say to myself? Well, I’d say I’ve just spent three years working on a book, and it’s totally normal that I am tired and need to rest. I tell myself that I deserve to take time off. And as I do so, I tear up.
As the month goes on, doing these tiny 10-minute exercises really does feel healing. Because the tasks are so small and simple, I don’t feel overwhelmed. It’s fun to spend 10 minutes making a mood-boosting playlist, for example, and to spend 10 minutes looking through old texts and screen- shotting the ones that make me smile so that I can see them anytime I need a lift.
It feels good to take just 10 minutes and sit on the sofa doing nothing, without a phone or book in my hand. The task is just to let my mind wander. I’m amazed at how restful it feels. It brings me back to feelings I had as a child, feelings of having space and time to daydream.
The power of tiny tweaks
Take 10 deep breaths
The way we breathe plays a crucial role in our overall health. It delivers oxygen to every cell, ensuring our organs function efficiently. It’s also intertwined with emotions, stress and wellbeing. When we’re stressed, we take shallow breaths and don’t use our full lung capacity. There’s even a name for holding our breath when we’re reading emails or looking at a screen – “screen apnea”. Shallow breathing is linked to fatigue, dizziness and foggy thinking, muscle tension, impaired immune system and disrupted sleep. Take 10 slow, deep, intentional breaths from your diaphragm, making sure your tummy fills up.
Be your own best friend
A study published in Clinical Psychological Science shows that being kind to oneself switches off the threat response, and puts the body in a state of safety and relaxation that’s important for regeneration and healing. Think of a situation you’re struggling with. What would you say to your best friend about it?
Top tip: Try one of these every day and see what happens.
No fear
However, some things I do put off. Two of the tips are about setting a boundary with someone and saying no. I once interviewed renowned addiction expert Gabor Maté. He links the inability to say no to a whole host of autoimmune diseases. As I have felt my energy get lower and lower over the years, I know it’s time to be braver when it comes to saying no. But can you undo a lifetime of people-pleasing in 10 minutes? It turns out you can.
After weeks of procrastination, I call a friend and explain that as much as I really want to go away for the weekend to celebrate her 50th birthday, the truth is I am physically and emotionally exhausted, and I know that what I really need to do is rest. I cannot overstate how terrifying this conversation is for me. I wait for her to get angry or upset. As the phone is ringing, I tell myself that I’m wrong and selfish to be making such a decision, but I do it.
She feels disappointed and also fully supportive of me looking after myself. I feel terrible that I’d ever thought she’d be angry. She’s my friend, of course she wants me to be well. As I hang up, relief and gratitude flood my body. It feels like I have taken an important step.
By the end of the month, I really do feel like my life is subtly but definitely better than it was at the start. I haven’t run over burning coals or spent thousands on a retreat, but day after day I have done small things to look after myself. When you do this, says Gabrielle, “You will be giving yourself the message that you’re worth putting in the effort for.”
I also like that with the micro-gains approach, there is no big sell, nobody telling you this is “the one thing that will change your life”, as there is in so many self-help books.
As Gabrielle refreshingly puts it: “Nothing is going to make your life super-shiny, perfect and easy-breezy… No one’s life is like that, that’s simply not the human experience.”
In my previous year-long self-help experiment, I was trying so hard to be perfect and I felt like a failure for not reaching this impossible goal. It took me a long time to realise that no human is perfect. It doesn’t matter how many planes you jump out of. Yet we all have things that can we can improve 10 minutes at a time.
Helpful hacks
Say no
Doctor and author Gabor Maté links our inability to say no to a whole host of health issues. Start small by saying no to something you don’t want to do today.
Create a cheerleading squad
Write a list of people who inspire you and some of the quotes they have shared that fire you up. Keep a note on your phone so that you can refer to them for an imaginary pep talk, or stick pictures of them around your desk.
Give yourself permission
Many of us are waiting for others to give us permission to do the things we want to do. All we really need is our own permission. For 10 minutes, get a pen and paper, then start writing permission slips – for example: I give myself permission to rest. I give myself permission to look after myself. I give myself permission to be happy.
Schedule ‘worry time’
Instead of feeling like you’re at the mercy of your worrisome thoughts all day long, take back control. Choose a time and place – ideally not just before bed – and give worrying your full attention for 10 minutes. Speak your worries out loud or write down what’s troubling you to help work out counter arguments and possible solutions. Give your worries full focus. Then, after 10 minutes, stop. Research has found that people who scheduled worry like this significantly reduced the time they spent fretting and improved their quality of sleep.
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