I’m going to let you in on the hottest hacks for your sex life, but first I have to debunk some myths. Great sex isn’t about circus tricks, eating hundreds of oysters or mastering the perfect “O” face. The best sex of your life starts with one simple thing: you.
Yep, it begins in your body, your mind and your ability to connect with your own erotic energy. As a somatic sexologist, I’ve spent years guiding people through their most intimate landscapes, helping them unlock pleasure, heal shame and rediscover the kind of sex that leaves you glowing from the inside out.
So if you’re ready to step into your most turned-on, connected and powerful self, here’s your permission slip.
Start with you
Pleasure is your birthright. Let go of the idea that sex is only about your partner’s satisfaction or that it’s your partner’s job to make you feel good. Your body is a pleasure palace and it’s time you moved in and made yourself at home. Get curious about your own body. Self pleasure is not just a warm-up for partner sex.
It’s a key to knowing what you like, what turns you on and how you want to be touched. Explore without expectation. Sometimes you won’t orgasm. Sometimes you’ll cry. Sometimes you’ll discover
a spot on your inner thigh that sends shockwaves. It’s all welcome. Don’t let judgement ruin a juicy moment of discovery.
Calm the mind
Desire doesn’t live in a to-do list. If your mind is ticking off emails, grocery lists or who’s picking up the kids tomorrow, it’s hard to drop into your body. Before sex, give yourself time to transition. Light a candle, dance, breathe or take a shower to clear the mental clutter.
Kill the performance myth. Sex isn’t a show. It’s not about what you look like. It’s about what you feel. Let go of needing to be or look sexy and instead feel sexy from the inside out. Talk about it. One of the sexiest things you can do is have an honest conversation. Tell your partner what you like and ask them what they crave. Vulnerability is the highway to intimacy. This is often the hardest part. In season two of my podcast Sex.
Life, I teach a communication framework called Desires, Fears and Boundaries, which is a great tool for broaching subjects that feel hard, especially when it comes to expressing what you want in bed, without killing the vibe.
Turn up the erotic dial
Slow. Everything. Down. Most people are rushing through sex like they’re on The Amazing Race. Linger. Tease. Breathe. The slower you go, the more your body opens to pleasure. Engage all the senses. Touch, taste, smell and make sound. When we incorporate more than just the genitals, the entire body becomes orgasmic.
Try feathers, ice cubes, blindfolds, music or massage oil. Make space for play. Eroticism doesn’t have to be serious. Laugh. Get weird. Let it be messy. Think of sex as a creative collaboration, not a rigid routine.
Connect with your erotic self
Your erotic energy is a life force. It’s the same energy that creates art, makes babies and fuels your wildest dreams. When you activate it, everything in your life gets juicier. Move your body daily. Shake, dance, stretch and undulate. Your pelvis holds deep wisdom. When you move it, you move your sensuality. Wear something that makes you feel turned on. Even if no one sees it but you. Erotic energy builds from the inside out and your external world can help you tune in. This also helps with confidence.
Final takeaways
- Cultivate self-awareness: what do you really want?
- Prioritise connection
over performance. - Use breath, sound and movement to heighten sensation.
- Stay curious about your body, desires and partner.
- Don’t wait for someone else to awaken your pleasure. Be your
own ignition.
We don’t need more shame around sex., we need tools, we need stories. We need to remember that pleasure is sacred and it belongs to us. And if you’re ready to dive even deeper, join me and my gorgeous, hilarious friend Hayley Sproull in Sex.Life season three, playing on the ZM podcast network. This season is our most intimate yet as I take you along on my personal quest for love! You can listen to all seasons of Sex.Life on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts.
