Michelle Hyslop
It was one thing for Morgan Penn to find herself erotically grinding her body against the ground during an exercise at a “secret sex school”, but witnessing how other attendees were tackling the task was the ultimate eyebrow-raiser.
“Trying to make sense of why I would thrust into the earth was hard, but seeing someone eat the grass while I was gyrating over it was out-there,” laughs the sexologist while chatting to Woman’s Day with her friend Hayley Sproull.
But while the true tale is comedy gold, says Hayley, that’s the “mildest story I’ve heard so far” when it comes to their new ZM network podcast Sex.Life, where the Kiwi comedy queen and former Woman’s Day sex columnist Morgan have teamed up to share their experiences and generate a healthy, open discussion around sex.
The pair became good friends through ZM, where Hayley, 33, co-hosts the breakfast radio show alongside Carl “Fletch” Fletcher and Vaughan Smith, and Morgan, 36, has since helped her in her ongoing journey towards “body neutrality”.
Hayley with ZM breakfast co-hosts Fletch (left) and Vaughan.
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Hayley explains, “I’m a child of the ’90s, so we were raised to view thin as the acceptable body type and once you learn that as a kid, it’s hard to shake – and I’m a tall, strong girl!”
After becoming sexually active in her teens, Hayley enjoyed intercourse, but her body image “always held me back”, she says, adding that her insecurities were heightened by polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which caused excessive hair growth, acne, bloating and weight gain. She hated her body and anxiously shaved “head to toe” before her first sleepover with now-fiancé Aaron Cortesi, 41.
“I’ve been in a relationship for 12 years, and having someone who loves you and your body unconditionally definitely frees you,” says Hayley. “But it doesn’t change the way you love yourself.”
For Morgan, seeing super-model figures growing up also caused insecurities, but today she admires everything from her “cute toes” to her heart. “It pumps nonstop – that’s unconditional love!”
The pair agree such self-love should extend to private parts, especially with rates of genital cosmetic surgery, like labiaplasty, on the rise.
“We’re not only told we’re not thin enough or our noses aren’t petite enough, but that our vulvas don’t look right too!” says Hayley, who checked out her genitals with a mirror as part of one of Morgan’s “home play” homework exercises on the podcast. “We asked, ‘Would you recognise your vulva in a line-up?’ and many people wouldn’t, but we should because they’re ours and they’re powerful.”
Hayley credits the sexologist for empowering her with better communication skills under the covers – one of the biggest factors restricting sexual confidence among Morgan’s clients. At their first session, the Have You Been Paying Attention? host expected her friend to “rip off my clothes and be masturbating on the floor within 20 minutes”, but Morgan instead taught Hayley techniques and language to express her preferences and desires.
“I’ve sat through heavy Chinese massages crying and the moment I was asked, ‘How’s the pressure?’ I’ve said, ‘Good!’ because I’m Kiwi and we’re taught not to offend,” says Hayley. “Plus, I’m a people-pleaser, so saying, ‘I don’t like that,’ makes me think, ‘What if I’ve upset them? What if that’s their best move and now they’re insecure?’ But the way Morgan taught me to express, ‘That feels nice,’ or, ‘Less of that,’ just through touching me in a nonsexual way was so helpful.”
Morgan points out that factors like hormones also mean desires can change frequently. She’s “feral” when she’s on her period, “but other times, I’m sweet and want soft, tender loving”, the sexologist says. “It’s about what feels good for you right now and speaking out on that.”
That’s something Morgan endeavours to do as she continues navigating the dating scene with the lessons she was taught at sex school. Meanwhile, Hayley’s learnt to embrace many of the PCOS-induced insecurities that shadowed her as a teen and is grateful for Aaron’s unwavering support.
“I got diagnosed after we’d met, so we’ve gone hand in hand – growing a relationship that’s strong, romantically and sexually, while understanding my disorder,” she says. “PCOS causes hormonal fluctuations, so I take the contraceptive pill, which is a known boner killer, though. I came off it a few years ago and was aroused all the time, but my skin went crazy, so I went back on. Being more numb sexually is worth what it does for my PCOS symptoms.”
By being so open and candid, Hayley and Morgan hope to normalise sex talk, with lots of humour along the way.
“Sometimes we get too serious about sex,” notes Morgan. “It’s supposed to be fun – we should be having giggles during sex!” She adds that an improved sex life also enhances general happiness.
“So many clients who aren’t having fulfilling sex find it impacts their overall life, relationships and sleep. Sex.Life is about everything that happens in between sex and life because it’s all linked. I’d love it if we can start talking about the importance of sex like we do with mental health because it impacts vitality and happiness. And when we’re orgasming, we’re releasing serotonin, oxytocin and dopamine – that’s a beautiful hormonal hit!”
Sex.Life is out now on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Hayley’s show Ailments is on at Auckland’s Q Theatre from 9 to 13 May. For tickets, visit comedyfestival.co.nz.
Raunchy rapid-fire
Where’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?
Hayley: On a roof in Stratford-upon-Avon, where Shakespeare was born, under the stars.
Morgan: In Santorini – I’d been partying all night, then made love on the side of a church as the sun came up.
What’s one thing guys do or say that makes you feel sexy?
Morgan: “You taste delicious.”
Hayley: Sometimes I catch my partner ogling me – just taking me in and having a good look.
What’s your most disastrous bedroom moment?
Hayley: I had a one-night stand, got into a taxi, then got home and had a necklace of hickeys. I’d been parading around town getting breakfast and didn’t know they were there.
Morgan: I fell off a sex swing that goes over a door. I was trying it out to see if it was a good sex aid to recommend to clients who aren’t fully able-bodied. But we didn’t lock the door, so when my body pushed forward, I landed horizontally on my sacrum and did a lot of damage – and had a very funny ACC claim!
