Photos: Kellie Blizard and Amalia Osborne.
Surrogacy in New Zealand is a contentious issue, with hopeful Kiwi parents and surrogates alike telling stories of their struggles to navigate the complex system.
Here, the surrogate and her partner are legally recognised as the baby’s parents on the birth certificate until the intended parents are approved to adopt the child through the Family Court and Oranga Tamariki, which can take several months.
The revised Improving Arrangements for Surrogacy Bill aiming to simplify the process was first introduced in November 2022. It is currently going through the government select committee process.
Sharing their personal surrogacy stories with the Weekly, three families open up about the highs and lows, and why it’s all worth it to make their parenting dreams come true.
Parents-to-be Emma and Travis Lehman
Emma Lehman never doubted that one day she’d be a mother. But born without a uterus, she always knew her path to parenting would be a little different.
“During my mum’s pregnancy scan, my parents learned I only had one kidney and a missing uterus,” explains Emma. Doctors diagnosed her with Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser (MRKH) syndrome, which is a congenital disorder that mainly affects the female reproductive system.
Now 36, and married to Travis, 38, the American Kiwi has spent the last four years devoted to starting a family via surrogacy. She even launched the podcast SurroTales to support others in their position.
“I hope it will continue to help people and normalise this way of creating a family,” she explains.
Now the health and wellness tech marketer, and her energy software chief operating officer husband, are beyond excited to share they’re expecting a baby in February – thanks to their second surrogate, Travis’ US-based sister Maddy.
“We’re having a girl and it’s been the most beautiful experience. It’s also a testament to how important family is, all the way to carrying your brother’s baby,” says Emma.
It was 2018 when the then-San Francisco-based newlyweds first froze their embryos before moving to New Zealand in 2019.
Emma still has ovaries. So, they were able to use her eggs and Travis’ sperm to have their own biological children.
Fast-forward to April 2021, they’re happily settled in Auckland as permanent residents. Emma connected with a local surrogate through the website Love Makes a Family.
Together with their respective partners, Emma and their surrogate embarked on the extensive process to get Ethics Committee on Assisted Reproductive Technology approval, including medical exams, counselling for everyone involved and legal consultation. The next step was flying their embryos over from America.
“In the end, we did multiple transfers with no success” she tells. “It just wasn’t working and no one knew why.”
After almost two years, they made the heart-breaking decision to stop trying.
“I can’t stress enough how grateful we are to our surrogate,” says Emma. “I’m so in awe of her selflessness and commitment to us.”
However, as they were about to sign up with an American surrogacy agency, Travis’ sister Maddy, who is already mum to six-year-old Samantha, made an offer they couldn’t refuse.
Emma explains, “We were sitting together at a random airport restaurant while on a family trip, when Maddy said, ‘How about me? Don’t work with an agency, I want to do this for you guys.’ I’ll remember that moment forever.”
After the second embryo transfer attempt in June, Emma and Travis received the news they had been waiting years to hear: they were going to be parents.
“Maddy is officially 27 weeks pregnant now, feeling great and is the dream pregnant woman, surrogate and sister-in-law.”
The plan is to travel to San Francisco in early February to await their daughter’s birth.
“We’ll all get to do skin-to-skin and focus on Maddy, and this miracle coming into our lives.”
Emma and Travis will be listed as the parents on the US birth certificate, but they will also need a New Zealand certificate to get a Kiwi passport to return home and be legally recognised as her parents.
“We’re planning to go to St Louis, where my family are, for a baby tour because we have to stay in the States until we formally go through the New Zealand adoption process,” says Emma. “In the US, you’re on the birth certificate, so you’re essentially adopting the baby from yourself.”
There’s been hope and heartbreak, but Emma can’t wait to meet her baby girl and finally be a mum.
“We’re just really embracing this new chapter of our lives,” she shares. “There’s a lot of sad stuff going on in the world and this is a nice glimmer of hope, kindness and the power of family.”
Surrogate Wendy Fowler
Two phone calls changed Wendy Fowler’s life forever. The first was from a fertility clinic confirming she was pregnant with a much-longed- for baby. The second was when the Aucklander rang the intended parents straightaway to tell them she was carrying their child.
“I was just so excited there was this tiny being growing inside of me that I was able to nurture so they could achieve their family dream,” shares Wendy, 41, remembering her experience as a surrogate in 2022.
Already a mother-of-two, Wendy found pregnancy relatively easy. She adored motherhood so much, she was inspired to become a gestational surrogate. This means she conceived with IVF after an embryo using another woman’s egg was transferred to her womb.
“It’s something I felt called to do,” shares Wendy. “I valued being able to have my own children and wanted someone who wasn’t able to, to experience that joy.”
It did take some time for her husband Craig, 47, and children Chara, 14, and Jed, eight, to come to terms with the plan. However, after meeting the intended parents, who prefer to keep their identity private, everyone was on board.
Jed described it perfectly, saying, “They should have a baby to love.”
As a librarian and part-time children and families minister at Saint Stephen’s Church in Auckland, Wendy interacts with hundreds of people weekly and loves the opportunity to talk publicly about surrogacy. The most common question is, “What if you can’t give the baby back?” But this never worried Wendy.
“You always know this is not your baby,” she says. “You’re nurturing it until they’re strong enough to give to the actual parents. It’s such a privilege to do that for someone else.”
She says another misconception is surrogates are doing it for the money. While financial arrangements are commonplace internationally, in New Zealand, it’s illegal to pay a surrogate.
“It’s a purely altruistic endeavour,” she tells. “It’s about knowing you have changed someone else’s life.”
When it came time to give birth in May 2023, Wendy followed medical recommendations to have a planned Caesarean. It’s the same way her own children were born.
“It was so exciting knowing they [the intended parents] were going to be parents on this specific day,” smiles Wendy, recalling the state of “total bliss” after birth.
“I was lying on a hospital bed and my body was cold, but there was a complete warmth and happiness through me the entire time. I knew we’d done what we set out to do.”
Wendy insists none of it would have been possible without Craig.
“The partners have a pretty thankless job. Now that my surrogacy is finished, my gratefulness and respect is still growing for how my husband supported me. Especially when it was hard during the first and fourth trimester when hormones really take their toll.
“He was there for me, and this experience has increased our feelings of trust and reliance on each other.”
She now has ongoing quarterly visits with the family she helped create, and cherishes the updates and photos.
“I smile every time,” she says. “I find it really empowering I was able to help them achieve that.”
In fact, the experience was so powerful and meaningful to Wendy, not long after giving birth, she decided to do it all over again. And after connecting deeply with a different family hoping to have a second child via surrogacy, everything felt “completely right”.
“So I was absolutely floored to learn during the medical check that from the last C-section, I have a niche scar [a pouch-like defect in the uterine wall that occurs when a Caesarean incision doesn’t heal completely] and it wouldn’t be safe for me to carry again.”
It’s still emotional for her to talk about, but Wendy doesn’t want to sugarcoat surrogacy.
“I won’t say it doesn’t come with emotional risk, because it does,” she says, acknowledging the experience is different for everyone.
However, she hopes sharing her story will dispel some myths, and shine a light on how positive and profound surrogacy can be in the hope more women may consider it.
“I absolutely love the experience of being pregnant for someone else. And if I had my way, I’d do it again and again because I know there are so many people needing someone to help them achieve their family.”
Love Makes a Family
In 2021, Christian Newman and Mark Edwards were proud parents to Frankie, their son born via surrogacy. They knew first-hand how complicated the process was.
Their lives were busy running baby brand Edwards and Co, and social media accounts Love From Your Dads. Regardless, Christian set about launching Love Makes A Family. It’s an online directory where hopeful parents can match with potential surrogates and egg or sperm donors.
“Having gone through surrogacy and [legally required] adoption ourselves for both our children, it was a long, stressful and crazy journey,” tells Christian. He is now dad to Frankie, six, and Lulu, three. “I thought about how this could be better every step of the way.
“It makes me so happy and proud to know there are so many families who have used Love Makes A Family to create their family, and so many amazing angels who have joined with the hope of helping those so desperately struggling to grow their family.”
To find out more or to sign up, visit lovemakes.family
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