Never underestimate the power of peer pressure – it can have a strength akin to kryptonite, especially among teenagers. It can come as a shock when your normally well-behaved child, who’d usually never dream of wearing skimpy outfits, shoplifting chocolate from the supermarket or trying mind-altering substances, suddenly begins doing wrong, stupid and sometimes dangerous things simply because their friends are.
It can also be a rude awakening to find your opinion no longer counts for squat and your teenager cares more about what their mates think. But being prepared for this stage, which just about everyone goes through, can give you the tools to help your child cope. Here are some tips that will help you deal with a child under pressure.
Not all peer pressure is bad
Listening to friends can be useful. They can encourage your child to try hard at school, get involved in positive activities such as sports, eat healthy foods and avoid drugs, alcohol and other risky influences. If they have like-minded friends with the same beliefs and boundaries it can make life a lot easier. Try to get to know the kids your son or daughter hangs out with and chat to them about their take on life.
Negative peer pressure is a fact of life
Think back to your own adolescence. It’s very rare for a young person to not feel pressured into doing things or behaving in a certain way because those around them are doing it. Often peer pressure has just a minor infl uence – for example, on the kind of music they listen to – but at other times it can tempt them into doing things they know they shouldn’t, like stealing, smoking, drinking or doing drugs. Bear in mind that it’s hard for them not to give in when they’re afraid of being made fun of or feel like they’ll be a social outcast if they don’t follow everyone else.
Be prepared
One of the best things you can do is to talk to your child about the sort of peer pressure they face, prepare them for times when it might come up and give them strategies to cope with it. They’re more likely to go along with peer pressure if they don’t have a solution for getting out of the situation without making themselves look weak or uncool. Talk them through certain situations they might find themselves in – like being offered alcohol or egged on to steal – and work out how they should respond according to what their values are. Is what they’re being encouraged to do wrong? Disrespectful? Dangerous? What will the consequences be? Are they letting you down? Are they letting themselves down? Do they really want to do it?
While simply saying no may seem the best way of dealing with it, this is not so easy for your child, especially if they have low self-esteem and don’t want to be seen as a “loser”. It takes a lot of courage and confidence to stand up to their mates and say, “No, I’m not doing that, I don’t want to.” If they can that’s wonderful (and they’ll be setting a good example to other friends that it is okay to say no) but if not then often the most effective way to get out of the situation is to come up with an excuse.
Get them to practise ways of saying no, and even try acting out little scenarios. For example: “No, I don’t want to drink alcohol – I’ve got a rugby game tomorrow morning and I’ll be rubbish if I’m hung over.” – “No, I’m not going to smoke pot. It makes me say really stupid things and I’m trying to impress that girl I like.” – “No, I’m not going to smoke. My auntie smokes and she looks 20 years older than she is. I don’t want to be wrinkled before my time.” – “No, I’m not going to steal that bottle of vodka. I could get caught and I don’t want a conviction – it might make it difficult for me to go overseas or get a job.” Tell them they can always play the “mean parents” card and blame you: “No, I can’t – my horrible parents will come down on me like a ton of bricks and I’ll be grounded until I’m 30.”
Other things they can do to resist peer pressure
– Avoid situations where they know people are doing things they don’t want to do.
– Choose friends who share their values.
In really risky situations, have an emergency plan in place. For example, get them to text you (use a code phrase if necessary) and then ring them straightaway, telling them to get home for some very important reason. Or just go and get them.
Bowing to peer pressure: six teen signs
Low self-confidence
No interests or hobbies
A high level of curiosity in things outside their normal life
A tendency to be bullied or teased
Feeling like they don’t fit in with their peers
Feeling isolated from the rest of the family
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