Take a chance on you

Dear Wendyl, I remember reading in your column recently about a woman asking about friends, and how she couldn’t live without them. I need some advice on making friends. I come from an abusive and dysfunctional family background, which has left me a quiet, reserved person who finds it hard to trust people or allow them close to me. I’m a private person, possibly due to shame and a lack of confidence and self-esteem. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Lonely Catherine, Southland

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Dear Catherine, First up, everyone feels this way about making friends, not just you. It can be hard to trust people and scary taking the risks necessary to make a friend. My advice is to let go of your past and its hold over you. Accept that you are shy and private but look around you and you will see many people like you who have friends. Then give yourself permission to take it one day at a time.

Get out and meet some people by joining a bridge club or a book club or something you are interested in, then you’re likely to meet like-minded people. When you feel yourself getting along with someone, don’t obsess about whether you will be friends or not, just take the initiative and ask them for a coffee. Was that nice? Great, now do something else with that person and so on. one day at a time. Then make sure that you are being a good friend, which means not dumping all your problems on them (leave the past where it is) and being fun to be around.