Nag or not?

Dear Wendyl, oy husband had a bunch of friends over the other night to watch the rugby and I went out to a movie with my girlfriend. When I got up in the morning I noticed he had cleared away the empty bottles but had left all the dirty dishes from their takeaways in the sink. When I told him off, he reacted by telling me I was a nag. Am I? I thought I was just asking him to tidy up after himself. Tracy, email

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Dear Tracy, Were you really asking him to tidy up after himself? or were you telling him off? There’s an essential difference because one is a statement and the other is an attack. I’m a big fan of positive reinforcement for both men and children because it works.

Next time, why not try thanking him for going to the trouble of clearing all the empties when he must have been tired and then, when he’s feeling appreciated for that, follow up with a suggestion that he could also do the dishes. He might take you up on it. And maybe think about letting him off once and a while. So there’s dishes in the sink one morning out of 10, no-one died.Wendyl