Matilda Green and Hannah Davison’s new podcast Untidy is for parents, but “it’s not really about parenting”, says the former star of The Bachelor NZ. “Untidy is about honouring the person within the parent”.
“We’re bringing important conversations out from behind closed doors,” adds Kiwi writer Hannah, author of the My Big Moments children’s books.
Unafraid of talking about their parenting wins and losses with their podcast guests, the two friends share 10 of the hard truths they’ve learnt about raising a family with Woman’s Day…
1. We’re all faking it
“I used to pretend I had it all together,” confesses Matilda. “I’ve got more comfortable being honest about my experiences, but when I first started talking about how things really were, I realised I was not alone. No one really has it all together!”
2. Reclaiming your body
“I wasn’t prepared for how long it would take to feel at home in my body again after giving birth,” says Hannah. “I really struggled to accept how ‘the landscape’ had changed. I learnt the process of reclaiming my body had to be approached with slowness and gentleness.”
3. Intimacy can change
“Your relationship with your partner changes too,” tells Matilda. “The physical demands on our bodies change so much once a baby is involved, and the intimacy you and your partner shared BC – before children – may look different for a while. Moving forward meant getting better at connection through communication and understanding.”
4. Your world shrinks
Hannah explains, “My world suddenly felt so much smaller once I was on that baby train. I felt confined to home, and the work and activities I enjoyed were replaced by mothering. Once I realised those early years were just a short phase, I could surrender and appreciate more beauty in the simplicity of things – my relationships with people, moments of connection with my babies and purposefully finding things to appreciate in the everyday.”
Hannah’s teaching her kids important life lessons.
5. Personal growth
“I thought I would be the teacher, but my kids are teachers to me,” admits Matilda. “Motherhood reveals areas where you still need personal growth. There’s no hiding from your problems when you’re parenting a toddler off the back of a sleepless night
with the baby! It’s hard to see those parts of yourself you don’t feel proud of, but it’s also an opportunity to be responsible
for growing personally.”
6. Never compare
“You can never make assumptions about other parents and you can never compare yourself,” says Hannah. “We have to leave space and consideration for the experiences another person might be having. It’s tempting to compare ourselves, but if you take a bit of time, sit down and have a coffee with someone, you discover everyone is having their own challenges. You just don’t know what’s going on unless you take the time to really check in and have honest conversations.”
7. It’s ok to disappoint
Matilda confesses, “I’m definitely a people pleaser in recovery, but I’m learning it’s OK to sometimes disappoint people. There are choices I need to make as a parent that differ from other people’s expectations of me. Now I can give myself permission to speak and act in ways that meet the needs of my family, even when that means disappointing someone else.”
8. Learning from mistakes
“I like my kids to see me make mistakes,” confides Hannah. “Then they see how to make reparations, learn something new, ask different questions and persevere in other directions. Mistakes are how we find our way forward, refine and make better choices. If they see me make mistakes, they know they can make them too.”
Life with toddlers isn’t always beachy, says Matilda.
9. Bad days happen
Matilda says, “Sometimes it’s about remembering that it might be a bad day, but it’s not a bad life. You can be grateful for everything you’ve got while you’re also having a hard time. It’s a question of finding tools and getting information to help you through physically, mentally and emotionally.”
10. Let the village in
“If we want to experience parenting like we live in a village, we have to break down our walls to let the village in,” advises Hannah. “Building community and connection means having conversations that can feel scary and vulnerable. But that gives other people permission to have those conversations with us. We never know how important it might be to allow someone else to reach out.”
Getting Untidy with Matilda and Hannah.
Matilda & Hannah’s podcast Untidy is available on Rova or wherever you get your podcasts from Tuesday 14 February. You can follow the show on Instagram via @untidypodcast.
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