Becoming a mum has a huge impact on a woman’s life, but how does fatherhood affect men? They may not go through pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, or necessarily be the primary caregiver, but suddenly being responsible for a tiny wee person can make a big difference. Plus these days dads tend to be more hands-on than in previous generations, so life as they know it may completely change. Several studies on how becoming a dad affects men have been published. Along with surveys into fatherhood, they have turned up some interesting results.
Changes many men have noticed
- **They’re more patient and tolerant
**Patience is a trait many people have to develop when they become parents. Children, and babies in particular, have their own timetable and you often have to follow their lead and go with the flow.
- **Their priorities change
**The things that used to matter can go out of the window once you have children. Suddenly they are what it is all about and things that were once so important seem inconsequential in comparison.
- **Their confidence and self-esteem improves
**There’s nothing like being idolised by a small person to give your confi dence a lift. Having a close relationship with your child and being able to make them laugh or help them learn can boost your self-confidence and make it feel like you are doing something worthwhile.
- **They have different values
**Becoming a dad can make you take a long, hard look at your beliefs and values. What do you believe in? Are you leading a life that will set a good example for your children? Things that seemed okay before you had children, like taking recreational drugs, might not seem so harmless now you’ve got them to consider. You also might start seeing the world with new eyes.
- **They’re more flexible
**Because children don’t behave rationally you often have to be able to adapt yourself and your plans to work around them. You also need to be able to think flexibly. That means doing everything from coming up with appropriate disciplinary methods when your child does something wrong, through to seeing different points of view so you can mediate fairly between your kids.
- **They take better care of their health
**Bad habits can be hard to change but many men find that now they don’t just have themselves to worry about, they make an effort to eat better and exercise. Plus, you want to set a good example for your kids to follow when they’re older.
- **They’re more active
**Chasing after small kids tends to make you a lot more active as you are on the go looking after them, taking them for walks or kicking a ball around the park with them. You may not be doing organised physical activity, but you’re on the move.
- **They’re more creative
**Whether you’re helping your kids to colour in, build Lego masterpieces or assisting them in learning a musical instrument, being a dad can foster your creativity and may even encourage you to pursue creative interests of your own.
- **They’re more in touch with their feminine side
**Having a tiny baby to look after helps to bring out the caring side in blokes. It can not only make dads more tender with their baby and their partner, but more empathetic with people in general.
**Down and out
**While most men agree becoming a dad enhances their lives, for others it can be a difficult experience. There is evidence that some new fathers can suffer a form of postnatal depression, known as paternal postpartum depression. While postnatal depression in women is normally associated with changes in hormone levels as well as external factors, in men it’s thought to be a response to stresses that may come with a new baby, such as worrying about finances, combined with a lack of sleep. Men who notice symptoms such as being moody, hostile and lacking enthusiasm should talk to their doctor. For some men, becoming a dad may remind them of their own traumatic childhoods – they may have been abused or neglected – and they fear repeating the cycle. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
**Babies on the brain
**Becoming a dad can rewire men’s brains. Scientists have found that when men become fathers and are involved in the early stages of their baby’s life, their hormones are affected. Testosterone levels drop (it’s thought this is to make Dad less aggressive towards the new family member), while levels of prolactin (the hormone associated with lactation) increase. This may be to encourage bonding. They also have more of the stress hormone cortisol, possibly so they are more attuned to the baby’s needs. Meanwhile, studies done on animals show that fatherhood triggers new cells and connections in the hippo campus, an emotion-processing centre of the brain, and scientists believe this may also happen to humans.
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