How you and your children look at and talk about your bodies is hugely important.
It’s a sad day when you first realise that your child has become aware of their body image. Studies have shown that some children start talking about body image as young as seven and one study found that 48% of girls, when asked, selected an ideal body type that was thinner than their own.
Meanwhile, celebrities obsess about their weight, kids surf the net and watch TV, and there is only so much parents can do – but it’s worth doing anyway.
Here are some tips for helping your child avoid obsessing about body image:
Be careful how you talk about your own body. If you’re a overweight don’t say, “I hate myself” or talk about yourself as being “fat” or “ugly”. And perhaps get some help for your own body-image issues. Keep negative thoughts private and don’t vocalise them.
If you’re on a diet, talk about your “healthy eating regime” rather than the fact that you are starving and are a bad person for having no willpower. If possible, don’t even talk about a diet, just say you are eating better food, you want to lose some weight and that will mean you can have more fun running around with them.
If your child is overweight, never, ever talk about putting them on a diet. You control what they eat so simply replace and substitute unhealthy food for healthy food without making a fuss. Talk about the five-plus a day servings of fruit and veges and the advantages of putting good food into your bodies, such as having more energy.
Don’t rate and compare your child with their friends. Children come in all shapes and sizes at the same age, so remarking that one child is so much smaller, taller, bigger than another is only encouraging your child to notice a difference rather than accept their friends as they are.
Don’t let your children hear you doing a “rate and compare” about your friends and acquaintances – you may be tempted to refer to someone as a “lard arse” or “skin and bones”.
Let your child be who they are and resist the urge to point out aspects of their body shape if they are in togs or sports gear. “oh look at your big puku!” is cute when they are a toddler but not when they are school age.
If your child says they are unhappy with their body, try to find out why. Is it a result of teasing at school, has a friend made a comment or have they reached this conclusion all on their own? If there is a bullying issue you need to get straight up to school and deal with it. Then sit down with your child, explain that bodies change shape and size as children grow and then gently, over the next few months, ease your child into doing some more exercise, eating healthier food – as something the whole family is doing, not just your child.
Talk to your child about how everyone is different. Discuss hair and eye colour, skin colour, height and weight, abilities, likes and dislikes. Ask them what the world would be like if everyone was the same, and encourage them to be accepting of different shapes and sizes.
Don’t reinforce messages about trying to have a perfect body. If you are reading a magazine together or watching TV as a family, discuss realistic-looking bodies in positive terms such as “doesn’t she look happy and healthy”.
Never, ever ridicule your child in front of people by saying things like “no more chocolate for you, fatty”. Some parents think it is amusing, but their child simply gets the message that they are bad, unworthy, fat and deprived.
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