Dear Diane
oy daughter Ruby is 11 months old and my husband and I have been trying to work out whether we should be disciplining her in any way.
I keep thinking that she probably doesn’t really understand us if we scold her when she throws her toys on the floor or puts her hands in her dinner.
Is this sort of behaviour something we should ignore for now or do you think there’s some sense in trying to show her that it’s unacceptable? We both agree that we really want her to be well-behaved, but we need to know if our expectations are too high for this point in her life.*
*
Nicky, Auckland
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Dear Nicky
our children show us they’re ready to accept boundaries when they deliberately do something that they know they shouldn’t while at the same time giving us a cute and charming look that says, “I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but I’m so deliciously cute that you won’t mind!”
oost children give their parents “the look” somewhere between nine months old and a year old, which would put Ruby well within the age range. Since you’ve scolded her two or three times altogether for a particular bad behaviour, I think you can assume that she’s doing it deliberately.
Give up on scolding and growling and focus on action. When she does something she knows she shouldn’t, scoop her up and pop her in a spot of your choosing, with a firm, “You know you’re not allowed to…” then walk away.
After about 15 seconds, go back, put your arms out to her and ask, “Are you ready to behave?” If you do this each time she does something wrong, she will rapidly learn that you aren’t going to simply stand by and allow that naughty behaviour.
When she puts her hands in her dinner, assume that she has had enough, and remove her plate.
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