oost of us would agree that it isn’t polite to verbally lust after a TV celebrity when our partners look nothing like them. It might make them feel inferior. But I say having a bit on the side – as long as it’s on the telly – is just what every girl needs. Jealous of Jamie
Dear Wendyl, I absolutely love Jamie oliver and watch his TV show all the time. I never miss it. My problem is that my boyfriend watches with me and spends the whole time snorting at Jamie and calling him a “big, fat poofter” and other horrible things. I’ve tried to get him to go and read a book or listen to some music while I’m watching the show but he claims to enjoy watching it with me and won’t leave. How do I get him to stop ruining what is the best TV hour in my week? Jamie’s Girl, Auckland
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Dear Jamie’s Girl, I know how you feel. About Jamie, that is. He’s pretty much my perfect guy, with all that cooking from the garden and speaking Italian and using some of his millions to help others. A celebrity who has compassion is number one in my book. Your boyfriend is jealous. I know it seems weird that a man can be threatened by someone on the TV who it’s unlikely you will ever meet, but there it is. You could stop saying how much you love Jamie, but I wouldn’t.
A woman should be allowed her idols. Your boyfriend gets off on your reactions when you get annoyed, so treat him like the baby he’s being and ignore him. If you stop reacting, he will get bored and wander off to play with his soccer ball in the garden, like all little boys.
Neighbours at war
Dear Wendyl, oy neighbour insists on throwing his grass clippings and any other garden waste over the fence at the bottom of our section. our backyard isn’t exactly tidy and we do keep our compost bins and things down there where it’s a bit overgrown, but I don’t see why he has the right to add to it. I asked him not to do it so now he does it at night. I even woke up one morning to find his old Christmas tree perched there. I can see talking isn’t going to fix it. What can I do? Sally, New Plymouth
Dear Sally,Biff it back. Two can play at that game and I’m thinking that if he’s so anxious to get it off his property, he’s probably a pretty tidy gardener with neatly edged lawns and a weed-free vege patch with everything in tidy rows. So biff it back and biff it hard so it makes a real splash of colour for him. And while you’re at it, add a bit of your compost as well.
Secrets and lies
Dear Wendyl,
I’ve just got a job at my husband’s company, which is great news because we’ll be able to travel together and see more of each other at lunchtimes. The only problem is, I never told anyone at the interviews because I thought they might not hire me if they knew. He’s in a different department but his job is quite a bit more senior than mine. I kept my own name when we married so no-one would find out. We’ve discussed it between us and decided to keep it quiet but I’m worried someone will find out if they see us in the car together or something. What should I do? I start in a few weeks. Nervous, email
Dear Nervous, oh, for goodness sake, you are a real silly billy. The thing everyone learns about lying is that you will always be caught out. Maybe not today, tomorrow or even next year, but there is some kind of law of nature that says the truth will always get out. So, are you a risk-taker and a gambler? If so, by all means play the game.
But if you’re not – and I don’t think you are, otherwise you wouldn’t have written to me – you must ‘fess up. Think ahead for a moment. Is it worth:
a) potentially losing your job and/or
b) losing the respect of everyone at the office for you and your husband? I think not. Explain the situation to your boss before you turn up. Say it didn’t occur to you to mention the fact that your husband worked there but you thought you should make him aware before you started and apologise for not mentioning it earlier.
Hopefully he’ll appreciate your honesty, move on, and day one at the office will be splendid. If not, then finding another job will be a better end result than the alternative. Honesty is the best policy.
Face-to-Facebook
Dear Wendyl, I use Facebook a lot and for the past few months I’ve been chatting with a guy who I met on the site because we have the same Facebook friend. I think we might have something going romantically because we talk heaps and he’s been dropping huge hints about meeting me face to face. But I’m worried that if we do some of the magic might disappear and I might not actually like him in real life. Do you think I should agree to meet him? Facebook Freak, Auckland
Dear FF, It’s people like you who make me despair about the future of love, romance and humanity. For goodness’ sake, switch off the computer, pick up the phone and have a real conversation with him. Then if you still like him, arrange to meet. You could end up with a life in reality, rather than in Facebook-land, where I suspect you are hiding out.
oh, and don’t forget all the safety procedures for getting together with someone you met in cyberspace, such as meeting in a safe, crowded place, making sure a friend knows where you are, etc. I’m sure you know the drill. Gosh, wasn’t life simpler when you just met someone at a party?
Wendyl
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