Photos: Bernadette Peters.
As a self-titled deathwalker and doula, New Zealand Army staff sergeant Tina Grant considers it a privilege to support dying soldiers and their grieving families.
“I am that person who walks through the journey of death with a dying soldier and once they die, I try to support and help look after the family,” explains Tina, 54, who joined the army 34 years ago and will compete for the first time at this year’s Invictus Games.
“I can’t bring a person back to life, but I can help by supporting families in their journey through grief.”
It wasn’t always her career calling, but after tragically losing her first husband, special forces soldier Douglas Grant, while he was on duty in Afghanistan in 2011, Tina experienced firsthand just how much the support was needed.
The Taliban shot and killed Douglas during an attack as New Zealand troops attempted to free hostages in Kabul. He was the first soldier serving with the New Zealand forces killed in combat in Afghanistan.
Just one week prior to Douglas’ death, Tina had moved cities with their young children, Jemma, then seven, and Jaden, five.
Alone in a new city, Tina struggled, saying while the support was initially excellent, she felt it dried up quickly.
She tells, “The army were very good at looking after me and my family when Douglas died. But, not so much once the funeral was done and dusted. I got really bitter and angry, and had lots of negative emotions.”
However, out of the rubble of her grief she put a proposal to the Chief of Army, who agreed to a job for her as a liaison officer for families of fallen soldiers to offer longer-term support to grieving families.
Fulfilled in her role and marrying her second husband, senior warrant officer Lyall Mooney, in 2018, life was looking up for Tina. But after falling ill with “excruciating headaches” while attending the Geneva Convention in Switzerland five years ago, her life was about to rapidly unravel again.
On her return to New Zealand, doctors discovered she had a grapefruit-sized 10cm x 10cm brain tumour on her front right lobe. Initially in disbelief, she tried to downplay the diagnosis “because I just wanted the headaches to stop”.
Once Tina came to terms with the situation, she knew she’d survive.
“Everyday, I said to myself, ‘I’ve been through worse when my husband died,’” recalls Tina. “I needed to be strong and get out of bed every morning. I needed to turn this into a positive and I had to remind myself that my purpose was helping others.”
To treat the tumour, Tina underwent major brain surgery. The surgeon peeled her scalp back, cut a hole in her skull and broke up the tumour before removing it.
The day after surgery, she suffered a serious seizure. Fearing a brain bleed, further testing was done, revealing another tumour in her uterus and a ruptured appendix. Tina underwent a hysterectomy and an appendectomy.
She took a year off work to recover. Having to relearn how to walk and talk, the normally upbeat Tina became “lonely, isolated and depressed”.
But as her health improved, Tina found purpose again, returning to her meaningful work helping others deal with death.
Now she’s excited to be representing her country at the Invictus Games. She plans to compete in wheelchair rugby, wheelchair curling, alpine skiing, skeleton and indoor rowing events.
“I’m not there to win a medal, but more to be there for an amazing experience,” says Tina. She has twice before been a spectator. “I’m in awe of people who have competed at previous Invictus Games, but now I’m on the other side and walking with them as a competitor, I’m very excited.
“Regardless of the competitors’ disabilities or abilities, it’s about being around like-minded people. I know being around my fallen families gives me comfort and strength, knowing others have been through similar experiences. I’m looking forward to sharing those bonds.”
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