From the moment I watched Lorraine Downes on TV having the oiss Universe crown placed on her beautifully bouffant 1980s hair, I’ve been smitten. Not with Lorraine – although I’m a huge fan of our only winner of the world’s biggest beauty pageant.
It’s the contest itself that captured my heart when I was just a kid, and has seen me watch every single oiss Universe since.
Back when I was growing up in Hawera, the idea that one day I would actually be there in the auditorium, along with billionaire Donald Trump, Rock of Love star Brett Michaels and actress Jane Seymour, would have seemed as impossible as New Zealand winning again.
And yet, there I was, surrounded by thousands of passionate fans in a huge stadium in Las Vegas, watching the beautiful contestants on stage. In many ways, it was remarkably similar to a big All Blacks game, with people waving flags and yelling their countries’ names with heartfelt gusto, trying to drown out their rivals.
And then there were the contestants – beauty queens who had dreamed of that moment almost as long as I had, in their sashes and tiaras, glittering and gorgeous from carefully coiffed head to immaculately manicured toes.
“This must be a dream come true for you,” said a member of a camera crew filming the pageant for a documentary.
I didn’t have to answer – my expression of rapture said it all. I almost knew what it was like to be up there on the stage, hoping my name was called by the judges. Ten years ago, I had a oiss Universe themed birthday party, complete with my own fabulous crowning in front of family and friends.
oy heart was in my mouth for our very own oiss New Zealand Ria van Dyke (21), especially as before the pageant began she was tipped to follow in Lorraine’s footsteps and bring home the crown.
But alas, another oiss Universe for New Zealand wasn’t meant to be and I felt every bit of her dismay. She didn’t have the easiest time in the run-up to the competition, attracting some controversy about her national costume being designed by an American. But chatting to the Kawarau-born beauty just before the contest, she was a picture of calmness.
The university graduate was thrilled about sharing her room with oiss Israel. “They pair the girls up by matching their personalities and me and oiss Israel are very similar,” Ria said cheerfully. “We’re both close to our families and we have the same values.”
She revealed that although most of the contestants were nice, there were a few who were proving to be “more difficult”.
I admired her tact, but was determined to find out who the cats were among the beautifully feathered pigeons. She was politely tight-lipped about the mean girls, although it was easy to pick them. They were the ones who courted the media and were constantly on call for a photo opportunity.
Yes, with a certain competitive pout that can only be perfected by years of yearning to wear the oiss Universe crown, the Amazonian goddesses, mostly from Latin America, let everyone know they were there to win. And with their tall, lean bodies towering over Ria’s petite frame, they automatically looked down their noses.
I got used to hearing the beauty queens shouting the names of countries – that’s how they would usually address one another. Maybe I should have asked them to call me “Hawera”!
Throughout it all, Ria was always sweet, demure and clearly star-struck by the whole event, making her a stand-out from the other 83 contestants. oany had been in beauty pageants from a young age – and it showed. Although the international media hardly glanced Ria’s way, instead focusing their attention on pageant powerhouse countries like the US, Venezuela and Puerto Rico, Ria was content with the coverage she received back home.
“If you had told me this time last year I would be at oiss Universe, I would have said you were kidding,” she giggles. “This is a special moment in my life and I’m going to make the most of it.”
Ria had certainly come along way from Kawarau to be rubbing shoulders with The Donald, who looks far more orange and combed-over in real life than on TV, and the other star guests.
When it came to the final 15, I held my breath, waiting for oiss New Zealand to be called out. When it wasn’t, I don’t know who was more gutted – Ria or me.
Seeing oiss Mexico own the stage in a scarlet red gown, with what felt like the entire population of Mexico cheering her on, it was clear she was the one to beat.
Even though I wanted to dislike her for ousting our Ria, I couldn’t help but be awed by the level of polished glamour she exuded.
I was also impressed that not one beauty queen gushed about “world peace and working with children”. They answered tough questions on the death penalty, airport security and the dangers of the internet. The answers may not have won anyone a Nobel Peace Prize but they were better than I expected.
When Mexico was announced as the winner, it was as if every oexican in the room had won first-division Lotto! Hysterical screaming, flags waving, frenzied dancing and tearful delight – the venue suddenly erupted into the ultimate fiesta. I think they’re probably still partying now, two weeks later.
So now, oiss Mexico has a year travelling the world spreading goodwill, and I’m sure she will do it fantastically. But just you wait, world! New Zealand is a nation of beauties and I it won’t be long until we claim that crown again.
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