A creepy text stalker made Tania Bowden (35) of Auckland dread the beep of her cellphone. Then her son Cameron (13) became a victim too.
I heard my cellphone beep and smiled as I picked it up. “I bet that message is from Cameron,” I thought. My 13-year-old son often borrowed his mates’ phones to text me.
“How are you after last night?” read the text. Without thinking I replied, “Who is this?” That’s how it all started. Looking back, I wish I’d never sent that reply, because the next few days became a roller coaster of emotions.
The texts asked general questions at first. Beep – “Are you a man or a woman?” Beep – “Where do you live?” Beep – “How old are you?”
I never texted back but the sender, who I later found out was a man called John, didn’t give up. It was hard to concentrate at work. Not wanting to turn my phone off in case my family needed me, I put up with it.
After a few hours, my inbox was full, so I asked my workmate, Terry, for advice.
“Do you want me to call him and tell him to leave you alone?” Terry said. “Don’t waste your time,” I replied, trying to shrug it off. “He’ll get bored soon.”
Two days later, the messages were getting worse. They became more frequent and were starting to get personal. Beep – “Are you gay?” Beep – “You must be gay?” Beep – “If you don’t reply, I’ll know you’re gay.”
Then, they got really explicit, talking about sexual acts between gay couples and telling me we could do them together.
That night at home, I was watching TV with Cam and my partner Steve. our family time was soon interrupted by the noise I had started to dread.
“Who’s that at this time of night?” asked Steve. I handed over my phone and explained the situation. Wide-eyed, Steve read the messages. He couldn’t believe it.
“Call the phone company and report it,” he insisted. I dialled the free-phone helpline but they told me to call another number and the answering machine there said they were closed until oonday morning.
The texts would start early each morning and kept coming until 3am. The messages were degrading and I was becoming emotional. I felt like the stalker was trying to hit a nerve so I would reply – but I never did. He was coming into my life like an intruder and I couldn’t stop him.
At the end of the week, the stalker sent an apology, saying he had probably offended me. Then, 30 seconds later, another text arrived saying that because I hadn’t answered I clearly wasn’t offended and must enjoy his messages.
I was pretty sure I didn’t know John, and I was thankful for that, but he was still on my mind. I was a little concerned for our safety.
That evening, to my relief, John sent a message saying he knew I was in Christchurch and that he’d find me. I have never even been there, so I knew he was guessing. If he had said Auckland, it would have been a different story. I would have been petrified.
Although I now knew the stalker couldn’t physically hurt me, I was still really stressed by the things he said. I was worried Cam would pick up my phone while I was out of the room and read the texts. I didn’t want him exposed to that filth.
The next week, I told my brother Tony about it. He was furious and called John. He didn’t answer the phone – but his voice-mail message gave his name. Tony left a message. I don’t know what he said but it worked because the texts stopped.
A few months later, Cam asked if he could have a mobile phone. After what had happened to me, I was wary, so I set some ground rules.
“I can check your phone for messages at any time,” I said. “If I find anything I don’t like, I will take it away.”
Rolling his eyes, Cam reluctantly agreed. A few months later I noticed him using his phone a lot and when an $80 bill arrived, I took a peek. There were messages from an older girl he had met on holiday. Some of the texts had been sent late at night, when Cam had school the next day. By the tone she used I could tell she was stirring up trouble with him and his friends, playing them off against each other.
I was upset that Cam was under that kind of pressure. In the end, I took the phone away. What happened to me, and then Cam, was scary. People need to be aware of the power of text message harassment. It’s no joke when it happens to you. As told to Jonica Bray Photograph by Phil Crawford
**How to stay safe:
**Teenage text bullies hounded 12-year-old Alex Teka of Putaruru for months. Her suicide shocked New Zealand and has prompted new calls for controls on texts. Here are some tips to keep you and your family safe from text harassment: only give your number to trusted friends and family. Take care using mobile chat services – people aren’t always who they claim to be. If you get a message from an unknown number, don’t reply. Don’t reply to a known number if you’re unhappy with the content of the message. Keep a log of the content of abusive texts and when you received them. Phone your network provider as soon as possible after an unsavoury text – they can send a warning text to your harasser stating that the behaviour is inappropriate and if it continues their phone may be cut off. If texts contain violent or sexual references, contact the police immediately.
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