Mitchell Alexander
Five years ago, Grace Curtis couldn’t look to the future – she wasn’t even sure she’d have one. Her father had just taken his own life and her grief was all-consuming. She struggled to find meaning, battling insomnia, anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Turning pain into purpose
Says Grace, “At 22, I wondered if I would even be around today.”
Yet now, at 27, she’s found happiness and purpose. She lives with her partner Mitchell Alexander in Wellington. And holds a double degree and is thriving in her role as a government advisor. She’s confident, empathetic and unafraid to speak up in front of leaders, policymakers and health experts around the globe. Grace has become a passionate advocate for suicide prevention and mental health. Speaking openly about the cracks in the system that failed her family.
“Honestly, I don’t know how I ended up here – but I’m here,” she admits.
“I’ve just had to take small steps every day. I didn’t know the destination I was heading to or how far I’d come until I got here and looked back.”
But Grace says her path forward is only just beginning. She’s running an online media platform, Cool Change, with Georgie Harris and Tori Wheelans. Two young women who also lost their fathers to suicide, amplifying stories to break down the stigma surrounding it.
Why Grace wont stop fighting
And Grace has just written a book, The Best Is Yet To Come, sharing her journey emerging from her darkest days and her determination to push for mental health reform in New Zealand.
“This will be my life’s work,” she says.
“I made a commitment the day I started Cool Change that I would never stop doing this. “Death by suicide has such a huge impact on so many people that if we can do anything to prevent it, we will all be better off. That’s the real driver behind it.”
Grace’s father John, a North Canterbury farmer, had a series of breakdowns and attempts to get help were futile. But his death in 2020 blindsided Grace, her two siblings and their mum Jo. Who developed stress-induced illnesses that put her life at risk.
The Curtis family shockingly discovered that after John died. It would be six days before Grace received a text from a support service and a fortnight until the family had their only visit from a counselling service.
“I have no idea how I got through those first six days,” reveals Grace.
“It was a lonely six days, which turned into a few lonely months. Bringing in people who’ve lived through the impact of suicide would have been so helpful to us.”
Speaking out when it mattered most
During the pandemic lockdown, while studying for a double degree in law and political science, Grace became focused on suicide prevention and the failings of Aotearoa’s mental health system. She began advocating for better support by writing newspaper articles, meeting with charities and speaking directly with politicians – ignoring the common advice to wait two years before talking publicly about mental health.
“I was desperate to hear how we might actually make things better,” she says, “which purely came from wanting to prevent what we were going through as a family because you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. “I was this young, naïve student, with nothing behind me but my own experience, and I thought people were ignoring it and sweeping it under the carpet. I felt like I was pushing shit uphill.”
Five years on, having delivered a speech in Parliament and addressed a conference in Canada, Grace has come to realise people genuinely care about mental health.
“For the longest time, mental health has been the big beast no one wants to approach because it’s so complex,” she says.
“So it’s been incredible to see that stigma breaking down bit by bit. “Having a Minister for Mental Health now gives people confidence that it’s something that matters. But we need to keep our foot on the pedal.”
Grief to global impact
Writing her book was both triggering and cathartic.
“It was a great way for me to go through the grieving process,” explains Grace.
“My writing style in the beginning probably held quite a lot of anger, frustration and confusion. “As time went on, I gained perspective and it became more solution-seeking, rather than ‘My life sucks’. But it was challenging having to re-read chapters, riding that emotional rollercoaster over and over.”
Last August, Grace lost a close friend to suicide. While she was better equipped to deal with the shock and trauma, she struggled knowing what her friends and family were about to go through.
“I found myself as an advice giver – reminding them to do little things like remembering to drink water and focusing on sleep as much as possible,” she says.
While the Curtis family was always tight-knit, they’ve become much closer, Grace says.
“What we’ve been through has made us able to forgive each other, accept our challenges and realise that family is the most important thing at the end of the day – and that can be taken away from you at any moment.”
The Best Is Yet To Come by Grace Curtis ($40, Bateman Books) is on shelves now.
If you’re struggling with your mental health, text or call 1737 at any time to speak to a trained counsellor for free. For the Suicide Crisis Helpline, phone 0508 TAUTOKO. In an emergency, always dial 111.
