Hagen Hopkins
Chris Hipkins is on the cusp of two life-changing moments – a neck-and-neck election that could see him back in the job of prime minister, as well as preparing to marry the woman who’s changed his life for the better.
But with just a couple of weeks to go before the nation votes on 7 November, wedding planning has unsurprisingly taken a back seat. While some couples might be panicking over a big day that’s not quite organised, the Labour Party leader and his fiancée Toni Grace seem remarkably relaxed.
“Weddings are about people, not the canapés,” says Chris, 48. “We’re both pretty laid-back. We can handle a bit of last-minute organising.”
Their big day
The ceremony is sorted and the save-the-date emails have gone out, but the reception is up in the air. Should Chris become prime minister again, security will be a consideration. Toni, 40, remembers the difficulties former PM Dame Jacinda Ardern and Clarke Gayford faced when news of their wedding venue leaked.
“The last thing anyone wants at a wedding is people turning up uninvited, so we’re keeping details quiet,” says Toni.
But the couple has a plan A and a plan B, and they’re happy to go with the flow. Some details have been easy – Toni’s sister, who runs a floral business, is doing the flowers and the music is sorted too.
“We love to support local, so we’ve booked some young Kiwi talent,” says Chris.
And importantly, Toni has already found her dream dress. Much to the delight of the thrifty shopper, she discovered a gown she loved by a well-known New Zealand bridal designer at a sample sale.
“As soon as I saw it, I just loved it and I thought, ‘I hope I fit it.’ And I did – it fits like a glove. I was so happy and so was the designer.”
Adding special touches
Chris and Toni’s kids, who range from primary-school age to university students, are just as excited. They’ve been allowed to add their own touches, including an ice-cream truck!
“We just want it to be a really fun, family celebration,” says Toni. “We’re not stuffy, formal people. It’s as much about bringing our families together as Chris and I being married. We’re supported by such an amazing group of people and so it’s nice for us to be able to thank the tribe in return.”
With four children between them, two busy careers and an election campaign, life is incredibly full-on. In fact, when Toni joins our Zoom interview at home in Upper Hutt – not far from the Hutt River, where they posed for our photos a week earlier – she’s not entirely sure where her future husband is.
“I’ll have to check,” she laughs, pulling up her calendar. “I think it’s Nelson. Oh, no, he’s back in Auckland.”
Chris soon appears on screen after a full day of campaigning, with an hour to spare in his hotel before heading out to a night market. He’s working 15-hour days, seven days a week, and making it home sporadically. But he feels energised and excited.
“I’m having fun, actually,” he insists. “You go into another kind of realm during an election campaign. Having such a positive welcome from people has just been so affirming.”
And having Toni beside him makes a big difference. At the last election, Chris famously revealed their relationship during his concession speech. His impromptu “hard launch” caused confusion when he neglected to use pronouns, leaving some wondering if Toni was a man. It’s a moment they still laugh about.
In the public eye
This time, their relationship is in the public eye and Toni tries to be at as many of Chris’ major events as possible. During their time apart, they make a point
of staying in touch every day.
“Even if it’s just a quick chat before bed,” says Chris. “That’s really important because I spend so much time travelling and in hotel rooms. Having that constant support means a lot.”
Toni, who works in strategy at Wellington City Council, admits the distance can be hard, but they grab opportunities to be together. During the school holidays, she took the kids to join Chris in Auckland for hotel swims, breakfasts and dinners during campaign gaps.
When he’s home, he tries to put his phone away and give the wha¯nau his full attention. He’s even doing his best to ignore the mounting list of DIY jobs that await him – not easy for the self-confessed “active relaxer”. He grins, “I have to really tell myself that the gutters and the hedges can wait.”
Reconnecting as a family
The family’s favourite ways to reconnect are simple – meals, board games, puzzles and bedtime stories. Chris has been working his way through the Roald Dahl books with the kids and recently finished Danny, The Champion Of The World.
“He puts on all the different voices and really gets into it,” says Toni. “He’s a wonderful dad.”
For Father’s Day, the children made him an album of their favourite memories, including photos of boogie boarding and riding bikes, alongside their own drawings. Chris keeps it on his bedroom dresser. “It’s something nice to look at if the kids aren’t around,” he says.
Chris and Toni first met more than 15 years ago, while working at Parliament together. Their paths took them in different directions, before they reconnected in 2023, when Chris was prime minister. Both had been through recent separations and in finding each other again, they discovered friendship support and then love.
Last year, the couple moved in together full-time and, in November, Chris asked Toni to marry him in a surprise proposal at Wellington’s Botanic Gardens. His life has improved immeasurably with Toni in it, says Chris. She helped him pick up the pieces after Labour’s last election defeat and has stood beside him as he leads the party into the future.
“She bought me a few philosophy books after the election” he says. “They were perfectly timed, really, to make sense of it all and figure out what I wanted to do next.”
Chris could’ve walked away but says his determination to help make Aotearoa a better place was unwavering. “I have a real belief that you can make a difference in politics. I think about our kids and the next generation of New Zealanders, and I want them to know we’re doing everything we can to create a future they’d be proud of.”
That sense of what matters carries through to the couple’s life together. Both from the Hutt Valley, Toni says they share many values while also being a bit “yin and yang” – she’s more creative and spontaneous, while Chris is tidier and more organised. “I like to cook the meal and he cleans up after. It’s a good balance.”
They admit to a competitive streak, which has benefited their joint fitness journey. Chris has lost 10kg over the past 18 months, with the pair running, working out and making healthier food choices.
“We’re Apple Watch fitness tragics,” Toni laughs. “We even do the online workouts.”
Chris has also tried to curb his fondness for the sausage rolls that fuelled the previous campaign, sticking to three meals a day and drinking more water.
But election schedules don’t always make it easy. On the day we speak, he confesses lunch today involved a mince and cheese pie, plus salt and vinegar chips.
“I had a shocker, but there just wasn’t time to stop,” he says. “I’m by no means perfect!”
While Chris is used to life in the public eye and is keen to protect his family’s privacy, it has been an adjustment for Toni. The couple has been the subject of bizarre online disinformation this year, including AI-generated images and rumours claiming everything from cancer surgery to a twin pregnancy.
“I really puzzle over what motivates people to be putting out all these crazy online stories,” Toni says. “But do you forever spend your life obsessing over these things or do you just lift your head up, look forward with positivity and focus on the future?”
With a wedding on the horizon, there’s certainly plenty to look forward to, no matter what happens on 7 November. The couple simply can’t wait to call each other husband and wife, and to formalise their blended family.
Smiling, Chris concludes, “It’s been a long journey for us, but I’m really, really excited about finally getting married. Whatever happens at the election, I’m absolutely determined to enjoy the moment, to enjoy the celebration and to enjoy saying ‘I do’ with Toni. I’m so lucky to have her.”
