Dear Wendyl,
I’ve been taking the Pill for years and I’m a bit sick of it as it makes me put on weight and feel quite bloated and disgusting. My husband and I have three children and don’t want any more, so I suggested it was his turn to take some responsibility and go off and get the snip.
He reacted really badly and said no way was he going to compromise his manhood, and that he’d heard stories about men being impotent after vasectomies. To be honest, I’ve never seen him so angry. I’m only 37 and could need to be on the Pill for another 10 years if he doesn’t give in. I’m not sure if it’s worth nagging him – should I just let it rest?
Michele, by email
Dear Michele,
This is a tough one for any couple to negotiate. Men really don’t like thinking about anything being snipped or fiddled with down there, yet being on the Pill in the long term is not something many women want to do, either. I have heard of women going “on strike” in the bedroom until their husband gets so desperate he agrees to do it, but I don’t think that’s a particularly healthy attitude.
What I do think is healthy is for you to explain you don’t think it’s wise to be consuming unrequired hormones, so tell him it’ll have to be condoms from now on. After a while he may reconsider. Also, ask him to talk to mates who have had a vasectomy, and at the very minimum get him to ask his GP about the procedure so he can make an informed decision. Oh, and don’t let him near Google, because if he does a search for “vasectomy” he’ll freak himself out. You don’t need that as well.
Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142.
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