Fake friends
Dear Jay-Jay
I’ve been doing some soul-searching lately and I’ve realised that a lot of my problems stem from toxic friendships. I need to shake the apple tree, so to speak, but I don’t know how to do it. How do I tell a friend who has been in my life for years that I don’t need them any more? It’s causing me major anxiety just thinking about it, but I know I’ll be a lot happier if I get rid of a few people who bring me down so I can start afresh. Any advice you can offer will be appreciated.
Louise, Dannevirke
Hi Louise,
I want to commend you for considering this. It’s a brave decision to make and I know from experience it actually will make you happier in the long run.
I also realise how stressful it is to do this. We’re supposed to be loyal to our friends – love them, trust them, and be there for them through thick and thin. But if your loyalty is not reciprocated, then they’re not really your friends, and they certainly aren’t worthy of your time and energy.
There are many ways to tackle this, but the first one is the hardest. It involves having a talk with them and saying you’re not comfortable with their behaviour or the way they have treated you, and although it hurts to do it, you’d like to take a break from them.
That’s horrific, isn’t it? So I have a better idea and it’s what I did – ghost them! This one takes a bit more time, but you have to slowly ease them out of your life by responding less and less (or not at all), and making excuses as to why you can’t catch up. Slowly, they should get the hint. Before you know it, you won’t have heard from them for ages and you will notice how happy you’ve been.
We sometimes have to do uncomfortable things in order to reap the benefits and this is one of those times. It won’t be easy, but I promise you, it will be worth it. Remember that you are doing this for you. You have to look after yourself because you are stuck with you for the rest of your life!
I hope it goes well.
Love, Jay-Jay
A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky issues to Jay-Jay – email [email protected].
