Photographer: Selina Nunn.
White Ferns cricketer Bernadine Bezuidenhout was never one of those women who dreamed about having kids. After a lifetime of the pressures of professional sport, as well as a battle with an eating disorder, the idea of ever getting pregnant was terrifying.
But deep down, Bernadine, 32, knew becoming a mum, especially alongside her partner Kayleigh Pearcy, was going to be part of her story.
“I never wanted to be pregnant in my entire life,” the retired cricketer tells Woman’s Day.
“With my health history, it would be challenging. I couldn’t get through the fear of my body changing. But Kayleigh was the opposite – ever since she was young, she’s dreamed about being pregnant. And watching her give birth, my respect for mothers is insane – it was the most traumatising moment of my life!”
But now, as she and Kayleigh, 29, smile down at their gorgeous six-month-old son Shiloh, Bernadine says everything has worked out exactly as it was supposed to. Delivered by Kayleigh on 18 June, he’s instantly proved to be Bernadine’s biggest blessing.
A love greater than they imagined
“Life-changing probably doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Bernadine laughs.
“It’s been amazing. He’s amazing. And obviously, he was very wanted!”
Kayleigh adds, “I always wanted to be a mum one day, but it’s better than I ever expected or could have imagined. I’ve gotten to experience a love greater than I’ve ever known before.”
Planning their path to parenthood
Over their three years together, Bernadine, the founder of the Epic Sports Project charity, and geologist Kayleigh have often spoken about becoming parents. It took some time to figure out how to make that dream happen.
“Obviously, being in a same-sex couple, there’s a bit to sort!” says Bernadine.
“But we knew this year was the right time, with me not playing cricket any more and no more sports travel, so we began looking into donors.”
Finding the right door
Acknowledging they are supremely lucky, the pair managed to find a private sperm donor and opted for artificial insemination.
Bernadine shares, “We kind of winged it and it worked first time! Shiloh was just meant to be.”
A gift beyond measure
Of their donor, one of her friends, Bernadine says, “He’s younger than me, but he wanted to help people like us and he isn’t going to donate to anyone else. But if we do want another child, he’s happy to help again. We were really blessed and he’s amazing. He’s not involved in Shiloh’s life – he’s not Dad – but he’s given us a phenomenal gift.”
And after an “amazing”, illness-free pregnancy, Shiloh came into the world with a minimum of stress.
Bernadine smiles, “Kayleigh is incredible, but watching that birth was horrific and amazing all at once!”
They might be a little biased, of course, but the proud mums reckon they have the most gorgeous baby in the world.
“He’s been pretty cute ever since he came out,” says Bernadine proudly.
Facing hurtful comments
However, she and Kayleigh have been taken aback by the reaction to their son’s skin tone.
South African-born Bernadine tells, “The sad thing is that I’ve had people actually ask me, ‘Why did you not just get a white baby? Why not get a white donor?’ People have said it would be easier for him to find work later in life and things like that. “I was like, ‘This is crazy. Why would you even ask that?!’ I come from a country that is like that – we’re not doing that here. And besides, we have the most gorgeous little brown baby! He’s gorgeous. Stunning!”
Growing closer as new mums
Despite the rude comments, plenty of sleepless nights and the usual stressors of new parenthood. Bernadine and Kayleigh insist seeing each other as mothers has brought them closer than ever.
Kayleigh says, “Watching Bernie become a mum has deepened my love for her and shown me how grateful I am that Shiloh is surrounded by so much love. As mums, we do anything to make him smile and laugh, and I love getting to see this new side of Bernie!”
And Bernadine, who is juggling mum life with running the Epic Sports Project, remains in awe of her partner, saying, “She’s the best mum. She’ll be going back to work in January, so we’re just soaking up as much time together as we can.”
Shiloh’s sporting future
And despite Kayleigh being pretty strict on screen time, Shiloh has already had a few glimpses of international cricket on the telly, with Bernadine swearing his little head pops up any time he hears it in the background!
“But, of course, whatever sport he wants to play, we’re stoked!” she laughs.
“He’s showing so much personality already, but I think he’s going to be an athlete. I got him a Christmas present the other day – a few balls that I can roll at him for the hand-eye coordination. Gotta start them young, right?!”
