After a decade of sitting through explosive dinner parties, tearful couch sessions and countless wannabe reality stars threatening to walk out, Married At First Sight expert John Aiken admits it was lovely not to have to referee a relationship crisis on his latest TV gig.
The former professional cricketer has swapped the intensity of MAFS for fronting a three-part documentary about resilience based on fellow psychologist Nigel Latta’s final book Lessons On Living.
And while John, 56, is no stranger to TV, this was a chance to do something new – from having inspiring conversations with Kiwi celebrities, including Rachel Hunter, Anika Moa, Shaun Johnson and Bree Tomasel, to conducting non-romantic social experiments.
“It was exciting for me because I was getting out of my comfort zone and flexing different muscles,” he says.
“There were no screaming couples, no intense dinner parties, no need to match singles or any of the jeopardy around final vows. It was just so refreshing.”
Keeping Nigel’s legacy alive
But taking on the project also carried a much deeper significance. John had long admired Nigel – who died of stomach cancer in September 2025, aged 58 – and felt a huge responsibility in continuing the conversation the bestselling author had begun.
“Nigel was always an inspiration to me,” says Sydney-based John, who lived in Aotearoa in his teens and twenties.
“He was an amazing psychologist and we had similar paths in terms of coming out of university, then going into television. I’d always watched him from a distance and admired how he was able to make psychology accessible to the masses.”
Although the pair never met, they’d been in contact by email, when John – who’s a father to son Aston, 16, and daughter Piper, 13, with his Kiwi wife Kelly Swanson-Roe – reached out several years ago with some parenting issues.
“I sent him emails frantically looking for help with my kids and he was great,” recalls John.
“He got back to me and we started a conversation, but I never had the chance to meet him face to face.”
He and former Prime News presenter Kelly, 52, had read Nigel’s parenting books, and one piece of advice stayed with him.
John explains, “Nigel was very good at making things practical and understandable. The advice I always loved was when he’d say, ‘Make it their problem.’ “When you’ve got a child who’s playing up or pushing back, it’s very easy to feel like you’ve got to try to solve it, whereas if you make it their problem and there are consequences to it, then they start to be responsible for changing it.”
A heartbreaking year
So when Nigel’s production company approached John about Lessons On Living, he didn’t hesitate. The timing was particularly poignant because John was navigating his own grief after the loss of his friend and MAFS colleague Mel Schilling, who died in March, aged 54, after a battle with colon cancer.
When John returned to film the upcoming season of the reality show, her absence was painfully felt.
“In November last year, we were sitting next to each other filming,” he sighs.
“She was glamorous, fierce and making an impact like she always does. To lose her so quickly was really difficult. “She was formidable. Her ability to provide warm hugs for the cast, but also to give them a stern talking-to when it was needed… She was just a wonderful person.”
John says Kelly, who has ditched TV for interior design, has been a huge support. Having endured the tragic death of her first husband, Jon Roe, in a Swiss canyoning accident in 1999, she has a unique understanding of grief.
“Kelly’s been great for me in many ways,” reflects John.
“Because she experienced really extreme grief in a public way when she was very young, she’s good at just sitting with it and also understanding the challenges it brings.”
The power of resilience
John says he now attends more funerals than weddings, a shift that has taken time to adjust to. But it’s given him a sharper appreciation of the importance
of looking after himself for the sake of his family.
“It makes me look at things very differently. I’m focused on guiding my kids so they’re prepared for the big wide world.”
John knows there’s no avoiding the difficult moments, but it’s how we respond that matters, he says.
“For me, resilience is that ability to sit in the crisis you’re facing, to pause and then decide how you’re going to act. Often it’s a case of playing the long game and learning to cope. As you get older, you really do have to figure out how to stay the course and be strong.”
Lessons On Living premieres 8.30pm Wednesday on Sky Open, streaming on ThreeNow and Neon.
