Photography: Maree Wilkinson.
When Black Ferns star Kelsey Teneti crossed the line in the Perth Sevens final earlier this year, she did a little wiggle, then punched the air. But it wasn’t the usual way she marked such moments.
“I’d asked my oma what type of try celebration she wanted me to do for her,” recalls Kelsey, 23, whose grandmother Marilyn Lexmond was seriously ill in hospital.
Kelsey’s mother Louise filmed Marilyn, who Kelsey fondly refers to as Oma – Dutch for grandmother – doing the new move.
“Now every time I score a try, that’s what I do!”
Prior to this moment, the born-and-bred Gisborne athlete had been preparing for the Black Ferns’ biggest tournaments of the year while her oma – who was diagnosed with breast cancer just after her 80th birthday, then had a relapse – slowly deteriorated at home.
Oma became her superpower
Long before rugby, the pair had bonded over hockey, as her mother and oma both played at a high level. Kelsey initially wanted to become a Black Stick and Marilyn never missed one of her hockey games.
“She’d always be on the sidelines in the cold all rugged up watching me play,” Kelsey says.
“She always believed in me.”
But after Kelsey moved to Hamilton Girls’ High School, rugby became her career pathway. Knowing her oma was fully supportive is what carried Kelsey through the Black Ferns Sevens training camp in Tauranga.
“I didn’t know if I wanted to go away with the team or stay and be with Oma,” explains Kelsey.
“But she said, ‘You must go!’ Looking back, that decision gave her a bit more life and strength as she was able to watch me play. “We spoke before I left for Perth and she told me if anything happened while I was away, it was OK because ‘I’ll be in the wind.’”
A heartbreaking goodbye
Despite losing to Australia, Kelsey says having her oma’s spirit with her is what helped her be named Player of the Final – the first time she’d got the award on the series.
“Oma was the driving force in me finding that strength. I wanted her to be able to see me be great, before anything happened.”
Weeks later, Marilyn moved into hospice and although Kelsey was preparing to leave for Canada with the Black Ferns Sevens, she flew home for four days to be with her oma, sleeping on the hospice floor beside her mum.
“I knew I had to leave again, but I was like, ‘How do you say goodbye to someone who you love dearly and may never see again?’ There were lots of tears – that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”
Kelsey vividly remembers the moment she knew her oma had quietly passed. She was down at the beach with the Sevens players, completing their last training before heading to Canada, and her manager and a teammate pulled her aside, handing her the phone.
“As soon as they gave it to me, I just knew,” Kelsey says.
“A big gust of wind blew past – it was Oma and she was gone. My heart was broken but happy because she was no longer in pain.”
Finding purpose through grief
While the team travelled onto Canada, Kelsey stayed in Aotearoa for the funeral, flying out the day after.
“That was a very hard time for me. But I wanted to give my family something happy to look forward to.”
Her team was her rock.
“The girls wrapped their arms around me, but there was a balance. They were there for me without it being too much.”
After winning the tournament, her coaches spoke about the strength her oma had left behind.
“As sad as it sounds, my oma gave me my superpower,” smiles Kelsey.
“Every time I played, I felt like I had a purpose.”
Honouring her grandparents
Her oma’s not the only grandparent stitched into her number 88 jersey. It’s a nod to both her oma and her nan – her dad’s mother – who died six years earlier at the age of 80.
Kelsey carries them with her every time she runs out on the field by writing both their names on her hand before games.
She explains, “My oma and my nan gave unconditional love, and I’m inspired by the way they looked at life. They were both strong, no-nonsense, get-on-with- it types of women. I was raised in this amazing world of love, but also taught that toughness at the same time.”
Then there’s her 91-year-old opa – Dutch for grandad – Leonardus Lexmond. As a Dutch immigrant who arrived in New Zealand by boat at 19, he met Kelsey’s
oma when she delivered his mail, saying bluntly to “learn some English” because she couldn’t understand him.
Her opa was by Kelsey’s side in France in June when the Black Ferns Sevens were defeated at this year’s World Championships by Australia. Despite having not
travelled that far for 11 years, Leonardus was inspired to be with his granddaughter after she called him, half-joking saying that he should fly over for her last
two tournaments in Spain and France.
“He didn’t wait for any details,” she laughs.
“The next morning, he rode his mobility scooter into town and tried to book his own flights at the travel agency!”
A journey home
Kelsey’s mum Louise then stepped in to be his travel buddy, making sure he had wheelchair assistance for the trip.
Kelsey smiles, “It was so special, not just for me, but to support the girls being so far from home.”
Following the final, Opa, Louise and Kelsey took a train to Holland for a two-week holiday, where Leonardus got to see his three surviving sisters for the first time in more than a decade.
“It was like he was home again,” says Kelsey.
“As he got closer to Holland, he started speaking more Dutch. It was hard for Opa to make the journey after the passing of his wife and his age, but thanks to the help of my mum, he got to watch me play the World Championships and enjoy his last trip to his homeland.”
Drawing strength from her oma’s spirit, Kelsey now has her sights set on being part of the team that competes in the Los Angeles Olympics in 2028.
Asked what her oma would say if she were watching now, Kelsey doesn’t hesitate.
“She’d say, ‘Hi girlfriend, I’ve been watching you and you’ve done a great job. I’m very proud of you. But hopefully you don’t get too many bruises!’”
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