Clarke Gayford on staying at home with baby Neve while her mum runs the country

In an interview with Grazia, our First Bloke talks about how life is treating the Gayford-Ardern family.
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As Jacinda Ardern approaches the end of her first year as Prime Minister of New Zealand, Grazia UK‘s Anna Silverman speaks to ‘First Bloke’ Clarke Gayford.

His relaxed, jovial manner – similar to that which has seen Jacinda grouped with other young, progressive world leaders – shines through in his very first words. After a number of emails negotiating the time difference, I call during the evening, NZ time. He picks up, joking that the call “is exceptionally punctual”, then explains that Jacinda has given up the study so we can speak.

“She’s going through Cabinet papers on our bed,” he laughs.

How is he finding being a first-time parent?

“You realise you are so in charge of this little bundle – things like remembering to clean behind her ears, you think, ‘If I don’t do it, no one will!’ Then, when you’re exhausted, you get those little breakthroughs – a cheeky, gummy smile in the morning and it’s a complete reset. That’s when I think, ‘Okay, I can do this.'”

Clarke intends to go back to work eventually, but for now he’s decided to stay at home. Still, he insists he’s no role model, saying simply that their childcare decision was a “no-brainer”.

“The cool thing is, I push Neve to and from parliament each day and get all these people on their morning commutes saying good morning – particularly men – who have been stay-at-home dads, too. They get really excited talking about how great it was and how it was the best job they’ve ever had or still currently have.”

Does he think it’s the best job, too?

“It’s so much more than a job. I have no doubt I’ll look back on it as the best thing I’ve ever done. But ask me again once I’ve had a full night’s sleep.”

Clarke Gayford and Jacinda Ardern swap stories about their kids with All Black captain Kieran Read.

This enthusiastic army of stay-at-home dads chimes with a cultural shift that seems to be sweeping across New Zealand. The current paid parental leave entitlement was extended in July to 22 weeks.

Around three per cent of New Zealand men who were not in work last year listed “looking after children” as their main activity, compared to 1.1 per cent in the UK. Progressive change is rippling through the country.

Clarke shares that a few weeks ago he and Jacinda were invited into the dressing room of the All Blacks after they’d won the Bledisloe Cup against Australia for another year.

“About three or four big, burly players came straight over and the first thing they wanted to talk to us about was their kids,” he says. “Even ABs captain [Keiran Read] was getting so excited about his girls. It was really refreshing. I think the All Blacks are an extension of who we are and there’s been a real change in the culture here. So, going in there, having those conversations, made me realise we’re in a pretty cool place.”

Jacinda, however, has not had such an easy transition in to parenthood as a working mother. Earlier this month, she was berated by some for travelling to the Pacific Islands Forum separately from Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters. She had made the decision to minimise time spent away from Neve, who she was still breastfeeding (the separate trip cost the taxpayer NZ$80,000).

Critics said she should have gone for the whole three days or left the duties entirely to Peters. The Prime Minster was damned if she did, and damned if she didn’t.

Does Clarke think sexism was at play here?

“Is it sexism or is it people still coming to terms with the fact that if you want to welcome a new mother into a working environment, there are things you need to be aware of or make allowances for,” he says diplomatically.

But would a male leader have to put up with that?

“For taking a separate flight? Well, you know, probably not. It’s one 
of those subjects that’s hard to know. There have been plenty of instances where that had happened in the past 
and nothing was raised.”

Surely he thinks there were sexist undertones to the view that she should have left matters to her deputy, who was “more than capable of holding court with all the local leaders over a drink” according to one TV host?

“Yes, complete rubbish. A Prime Minister hadn’t, bar one, missed that meeting since 1971. Any suggestion that she should have handed over to Winston, yeah that was sexist.”

Like all new parents, Jacinda and Clarke have been given a fair amount of parenting advice from well-wishers, including former US President Barack Obama (‘He said, ‘Don’t worry too much if you make mistakes, they don’t remember.’), and Prince William, with whom Jacinda had a “good chat about parenting” according to Clarke.

But advice from world leaders aside, Clarke insists they Neve will be raised just like any other Kiwi kid. Is that possible with 
a Prime Minister for a mum?

“I don’t think either of us do anything that isn’t that normal. We’ve got a pretty good sense of who we are having grown up in small towns. I don’t think there’s any other way in New Zealand.”

Via Grazia

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