Libby Robertson saw the light about alcohol after throwing herself out of a two-storey window following a drunken argument with her boyfriend.
She had fallen on her head on concrete and, because she had a concussion, Wellington hospital staff were trying to keep her awake.
“I just remember the nurse shining the light in my eyes and telling me I was lucky to be alive,” says Libby.
“I was in the hospital bed, neckbrace on, no pants on – it was very undignified – but I knew at that point I could never drink again. I didn’t want to die and I never thought I would do something like that while drunk. I knew I was going to do whatever it took to never be in that position again.”
Libby, 32, got her first taste of booze when her granddad offered her sips of beer aged four. From the age of 13, over New Year’s camping trips at Mahia with her family, she and the other teenagers would sneak alcohol and party at the beach.
She considered her drinking normal while completing a psychology degree at the University of Canterbury because everyone she knew partied hard too. “I was just a typical Kiwi girl. I loved beer. I loved wine. I loved tequila. I loved to have a good time. I had the biggest rubber arm and I was really good at convincing other people to party with me.”
After university, Libby headed to London, and worked as a travel agent and a corporate management coach. She describes herself as functional – she always managed to get to work despite her boozing – but says some of her friends did question her relationship with alcohol.
“There was one situation where I was travelling in South East Asia with my best friend. I got super-wasted one night and I left the hostel to go find a pub, I guess. I took my wallet, both our passports and my friend found me wandering the streets of Laos at 3am. She actually said, ‘I’m worried about you. You running off last night with our passports, that was not OK.’ I thought, ‘OK, maybe this isn’t good.'”
That holiday was five months before Libby gave up booze for good on 3 January 2016.
In the interim, she met Dane Robertson, 35, who is now her husband. She says he had to pick her up five or six times from big nights out before the day she jumped out of the window after their fight.
“I wasn’t nice when I was drunk,” Libby admits. “I was abusive, obnoxious and dramatic. That final night, Dane told me, ‘You told me you would never put me through this again. You’ve gone back on your word. I can’t be with you any more.'”
When she was released from hospital, Libby decided to tackle her addiction. She went to a counsellor and attended several AA meetings but found they weren’t for her. She also listened to countless sobriety podcasts, found new hobbies and sought out people whose lives didn’t revolve around alcohol.
She says learning to sit with her feelings without numbing them with booze was important. “In my first few weeks and months sober, whenever I had a craving, I’d pour myself a glass of soda water mixed with apple cider vinegar and put it in a wine glass. It wasn’t the same, but the apple cider vinegar hit the same places in the mouth as wine. Failing that, I’d take myself for a walk and get out into nature or go for a workout at the gym. I eventually found meditation and breathwork, and that helped a tonne too.
“The biggest thing is to have a clear reason why. You have to get really clear on why you’re doing it. If your why isn’t strong enough, it’s super- easy to go back to old habits.”
Libby and Dane got back together after she committed to sobriety. Dane’s father died of liver failure when he was just 16, so he was well aware of the dangers of booze and he pledged to stop drinking alongside Libby. She eventually started a blog advising others how to give up alcohol, which led to them leaving their corporate jobs and getting into personal coaching.
Now seven years sober, the couple run Parradigm together – a business that focuses on workplace wellness.
“A lot of people in high-pressure work environments turn to booze,” says Libby. “Dane and I are passionate about giving staff and employees the tools to manage their stress and anxiety levels. We try to enhance the workplace culture, which enhances people’s happiness and productivity. Basically, it’s a top-down approach rather than an ambulance at the bottom of the cliff.”
When asked about the best thing about being sober, Libby doesn’t hesitate. “Maintaining my dignity! Waking up shame-free and hangover-free, and getting the most out of life. Also, you end up saving heaps of money and have way more time on your hands, plus the energy to get up and go to the gym in the morning!”