Judge Jay-Jay shares her advice on giving the ‘nerdy guy’ a chance

This week, Judge Jay-Jay discusses whether it's worth ditching the 'bad boys' and giving the nerdier ones a chance

Nerd appeal

Kia ora, Jay-Jay!

I could so use your advice! A bit about me: I’m almost 40 and have been single for ages while I focus on being a better person. I’ve been doing lots of things to look after myself and I even went on a wee health retreat. I wasn’t looking for a man, but one has fallen into my lap at work! He is so lovely – kind, caring, empathetic and mature. We have so much in common and I’m very attracted to him emotionally.

But – and you knew there was going to be a but – I am struggling with physical attraction to him. I like cool bad boys! And this guy is none of those things – I mean, the man wears rainbow neon sneakers and you should see some of his dance moves. He even has a DVD collection

and listens to U2. Cringe! The problem is that the cool bad boys have hurt me every time and I know this. But is no physical attraction a dead end? Would it be hurtful to him if I forced something I wasn’t feeling?

Jay-Jay, should I give the nice nerdy guy a chance? I need your help!

Beansie, Wellington

Hi Beansie,

You obviously like him a lot to be contemplating your next move!

You already know the answer to this, I can tell. You know “cool bad boys” are no good for you. They only lead to heartbreak and you can avoid this by giving them a miss from now on.

As for the “nerdy guy”, you like him. That’s a great start. Have you ever known someone who you didn’t find very attractive at first, but then later thought, “Wow, he’s actually quite hot!”?

Do you know what changed? You got to know him! Some people become more physically attractive the more we get to know and like them. So if you don’t think “nerdy guy” is hot yet, give it some time. There’s no need to jump into a relationship with him yet. Just hang out as friends for a while and see if anything progresses from that. You’ve got nothing to lose. You’ll either end up with a cool friend or a cool boyfriend. Nerdy can be cool, you know!

If you also change your mindset about why you find “nerdy” so off-putting, you might surprise yourself. Sure, he likes U2, but he might also like lots of other things that you like too – movies, food or weekend activities. We are all different and that’s OK. Being the same as each other can be boring. Embrace his individuality and his quirks. He sounds like a catch to me!

Love, Jay-Jay

A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky issues to Jay-Jay – email [email protected].

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