Let’s talk about sex
Hey, Judge Jay-Jay!
I’m newly married and everyone keeps saying we must be bonking our brains out, but to be honest, we probably only get round to getting intimate once a week at the most. Is that bad?
We both have busy jobs and social lives, so we’re often too tired to bother. And we’re rarely in the mood at the same time – he’s a morning person, while I only really get into the zone after a few drinks at night.
The thing is, I really don’t mind. I don’t need or necessarily want any more sex in my life. If he did, I’d be fine with it, but we haven’t really had the conversation. Do I need to bring it up? And if so, how do I do it in a way that feels organic?
We spend a lot of time together and we’re very affectionate, always holding hands, pinching bums and kissing in public, etc. But I wouldn’t want him to think I don’t find him sexually attractive. I figure intimacy tends to decrease as time goes on. Could this cause troubles in the future? Or am I over-thinking things and seeing a problem where there isn’t one?
Dusty, Wellington
Hi Dusty,
The thing about sex is, everyone likes to compare our own sex life with others and we want to know we are just like everyone else – which is weird, really, because everybody is different, and we have different needs and desires.
There is often pressure, especially in a new relationship, to be at it all day every day, but why is that? I don’t think the key to a happy relationship is nonstop sex. The key to a happy relationship is all of those things you said you already do (holding hands and butt-pinching!) and a mutually content sex life.
It’s hard if one person wants it more than the other because it can cause insecurity issues, but if you’re both happy with the amount you’re having, than what is the problem? You love each other, you get along, you have common goals… You have everything you need for a long-lasting partnership.
If you feel the sex is getting boring or infrequent later down the track, you should talk about it then. Yes, communication is key!
So don’t worry about how often you should do it or how often the neighbours are doing it – just do it as often as you and your partner are willing to do it. Happy humping!
Jay-Jay
A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky issues to Jay-Jay – email [email protected].
