Photography: Amalia Osborne.
When Laura Hill entered her fifties, she thought she knew what to expect. Sure, menopause was on the horizon, but as someone happily childfree, the former Shortland Street star was more than ready to embrace her new life stage. What she wasn’t prepared for was the emotional whiplash that arrived long before menopause itself.
Seemingly overnight, tiny inconveniences could ignite what she calls “the rage”.
She explains, “I’d heard about menopause in the context of that’s when your fertility stops, but there wasn’t talk about perimenopause and the changes your body goes through. “My friends and I talk a lot about the rage and how it’s hard to know if it’s hormonal or if you’re just surrounded by rude people. It comes down to knowing yourself and asking, ‘Is this me or is this a reaction exacerbated by some physiological thing?’”
And it wasn’t just anger. The quiet, anxious voice that had always lived somewhere in the back of her mind suddenly grew louder. With almost 30 years under her belt as an actress and writer, Laura is no stranger to rejection. Yet late last year, she found she couldn’t shake the shadow of doubt.
When self-doubt crept in
“You have to have a lot of resilience to cope with rejection or the absence of work and be able to pick yourself up again,” the 51-year-old tells.
“I’ve always been an overthinker, but my anxiety started making me think, ‘Am I just no good at this?’ “As someone who has relied on my intellect for my work, it was strange to then go, ‘Is my brain telling me things that aren’t true?’”
Laura is quick to acknowledge that many women have a far rougher journey through perimenopause than she has. Still, she knew she didn’t want to navigate it without help. She started hormone replacement therapy (HRT), but with a family history of breast cancer, she says “some GPs can be a bit twitchy” about prescribing it and she was taken off. Laura challenged the decision.
Embracing her fifties
“I got the scans to make sure there wasn’t anything brewing and now have gone back on it,” she tells.
“It was getting to a point where I was like, ‘I’m going to need a little help with some of this stuff.’ “It just means I have to be diligent about keeping up with my check-ups, which I’ve been doing since I turned 40 anyway.”
After a bumpy start, Laura is now excited to embrace her fifties. Still, she admits there’s a strange tension between how she feels inside and what society expects women her age to look and act.
“The number 50 doesn’t match up with how I feel,” she tells.
“People say,’ You look really good for your age,’ and it’s like, ‘What kind of haggard witch do you think I should look like?’ Women in their forties and fifties look amazing!”
Back in the spotlight
And for Laura, this decade is already delivering. Her latest role in The Queen’s Nanny at Auckland’s Pumphouse Theatre not only sees her step into the shoes of royalty, but reunites her with longtime friend Anna Jullienne for the first time since their days in Ferndale almost 20 years ago.
“Once you’ve been through Shortland Street, you’re always part of the club,” Laura smiles.
“Life keeps us busy, but every time we see each other, it’s like, ‘Yay, it’s you!’ So it’s lovely to spend some time together.”
Laura plays the Queen Mother opposite Anna’s Marion Crawford, the royal family’s devoted nanny. Born in the UK, Laura jokes that she has a “genetic predisposition” toward royal fascination, but researching the role has opened her eyes to a side of the matriarch she’d never known.
“I keep on having to say to people, ‘She wasn’t always old,’” she laughs.
“She lived to 101, so we think of this ancient woman tottering around with her handbag and smiling politely. But when I started to do some research, I realised she was a bit of a party girl, as well as the calm voice for the nation.”
The Queen’s Nanny is on at The Pumphouse Theatre in Auckland from May 14-24. For tickets, visit pumphouse.co.nz
