It was two years of hell Francis and Kaiora Tipene never expected or planned for. The stars of the hit TV show The Casketeers had no idea that their “sister” Fiona Bakulich, who appeared regularly on the show, was illegally working behind the scenes at their funeral home to bring shame on the business they had built from scratch since 2016.
A betrayal that shattered trust
By the end of the ordeal, Francis would admit himself into rehab for alcohol abuse, their marriage would be in serious trouble and Kaiora would be forced to bring in legal counsel to get incorrect stories about them in the media corrected.
“Tipene Funerals is not just our work – it is our life,” says Francis.
“We trusted Fiona to look after our Pacific Island families because she knew their beliefs and tikanga [customs]. We treated her as whānau, as our sister, and we thought that she was treating them well.”
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But she wasn’t. In April, she pleaded guilty to 14 charges – 12 obtained by deception charges relating to false costs and two charges of interfering with human remains, although one charge was dropped at sentencing. She was sentenced to two years and three months in jail.
Bakulich had failed to provide metal liners for two coffins which were to be put in a mausoleum. The metal liners are important to seal in any body fluids and the relatives of the deceased were charged $3000 for them. The absence of the metal liners was discovered after Cyclone Gabrielle damaged the mausoleum and it needed a new roof. All the coffins had to be removed and checked.
Fighting back
The Tipenes thought they had done everything correctly by taking the initiative and informing the police, who declined to take the matter further. Later they dismissed Bakulich. But then the media began running stories.
One news outfit continued to run articles about the offending with pictures of Francis accompanying the stories. The stories also stated incorrectly that the bodies concerned were found in rubbish bags.
The couple’s business was affected and in public they received abuse from people giving them the finger or saying, “You’re those rubbish people.” In the end, they sought legal advice and action was taken.
Breaking Point
“It took one email,” says Kaiora.
“One email from our legal counsel and all the stories online were corrected and edited to reflect the truth.” Francis says with the damage to his business and reputation, he couldn’t cope.
“I would go to my room and drink,” he says.
“I’m an alcoholic. I’ve just come out of rehab. I just wanted to be numb. I went into the room, and I drank and drank.”
This was devastating for Kaiora, who says, “When he breaks, I break and my whole whānau breaks. Everything we worked for was broken.”
Talking to the Weekly, Francis and Kaiora are holding hands, and it’s clear that things are getting better, slowly.
“Terrible things happened to our relationship,” admits Francis. “I have always been a social drinker, no problem, but I just started drinking to be numb, to go to sleep, to stop it. And to be honest, I was drinking to numb Kaiora because she would just keep saying, ‘It’s okay, it’s okay,’ but I could see it wasn’t. I thought it was over. I thought we were over.”
Struggling to stay connected
Kaiora struggled to connect with Francis and even thought of joining him drinking, just so she could get through to him.
“I thought, ‘If he’s not going to come out, I might as well go in,’” she says.
“I was losing him and there were nights when I knew I needed to get into that space to talk to him, so I went there a few times, but I knew in the end I couldn’t. “Someone had to sort it out. You really have to have some patience and know your husband. When there are ugly things around you, it controls you and I wasn’t having any of that.”
Francis says he felt like he was supposed to be the man, in control and look after everything.
“But then I just got drunk. I didn’t control anything.” Francis kept his drinking away from his family by doing it after work and into the night, then returning home and drinking in the bedroom.
“It got ugly, though, and I feel so sorry,” he says. “There were a couple of nights where I came home a bit crazy.”
Adds Kaiora, “That’s when I learned about blackouts – not remembering what he had done.”
Facing rehab
Francis went into rehab just before Christmas last year, leaving Kaiora in charge and trusting that the family would be fine.
“It was really lovely for the first two days,” says Francis.
“Then I became so judgemental and thinking I was just a one-off drunk, not like everyone else in there. I kept ringing Kaiora to come and get me, then they took my phone off me. “I’m a Māori man and I think a lot about that. How we don’t really talk about things that we need to. It wasn’t until I went into rehab and learned some tools that I learned new ways to deal with things. I had some tools and I loved it.”
Francis spent 30 days in rehab and initially wanted to keep it private, he was so deep in shame.
“I would go to AA meetings and I would see that people recognised me off the television, and I said to myself, ‘You’re the one who decided to be all over the bloody TV. So this is what you’ve got to deal with,’” he recalls.
On the road with The Casketeers
In some ways, the Tipenes are now grateful they have their TV show because throughout the past two years, they have been filming another series where they visit Canada, India, Vanuatu, Japan and Tonga to explore cultural attitudes to death.
The Casketeers: Life and Death Around the Globe was filmed piece by piece so the Tipenes, who were travelling with their adored daughter Ngāwaiata, weren’t spending long periods away from their
older kids and business.
“We thought about not doing the show as everything was imploding around us, but we have a good relationship with our director, who talked us into it and we both realised that when you get on that plane, you can forget,” explains Francis.
Their first trip was to Canada, where they were humbled by the First Nation people who shared their history of colonisation and their traditions.
“It was very sad, a lot of it,” says Kaiora.
“We tried really hard to get some lighter stuff with them, but it was all about their tragic history. We found what little culture they had left and celebrated that with them.”
Francis impressed all with his eagle dance, performed in costume, including the head dress.
“I was determined to do it and not feel stupid because I had come halfway around the world to learn about their culture, and it was important that I got into it. I was a bird up there.”
Discovering heritage and healing
In Tonga, Francis, who thought he was half Tongan, discovered that he was actually Samoan.
“My great-great- grandfather was Swiss, went to Samoa and married a Samoan woman, then they took the family to Tonga, so that’s why I thought I was Tongan. “We went to the cemetery and saw all my relatives, and there was the name ‘Francis’ on all the headstones. So my name was part of my heritage, which I didn’t know, and now I’m so happy that my dad was called Francis and one of my sons is Francis Jnr.”
But of all the countries, India had the biggest effect on them.
Finding strength and hope
“India changed my life,” says Francis.
“We devoted two episodes to it and I went into the river Ganges to bathe in the spiritual waters. I want to take our kids there, not for a holiday, but as an investment in their life. You see poverty everywhere but those people, even in those circumstances, still find joy.”
The couple has seven children, Haimona, 24, Nikora, 19, Moronai, 17, Mikae, 12, Mihaka, 10, Francis Jnr, six, and Ngāwaiata, one. Throughout the past two years, Francis and Kaiora have worked hard not to include them in any of the events they were dealing with, but they are making more of an effort to encourage the children to talk about their lives, and their ups and downs.
“I try to talk to my kids now every night, every single one,” says Kaiora.
“I tell them I love them and check in on them.” Adds Francis, “Our kids are amazing, like my wife. They come to me for practical stuff, but they’ll go to Mum for all of the emotional stuff.”
The Tipenes look forward to a year where things return to a more normal existence and they both agree that they are stronger now.
“I don’t want to come off like we have this huge vendetta and that we’re sitting in anger because we’re so happy to move forward,” says Francis.
“There’s been a lot of support from Māori and we’ve had some great conversations with some very influential people. “But at the end of the day, that moral support is great, but it’s about walking the talk at the end of the day. So that’s what we’re doing.”
The Casketeers: Life and Death Around the Globe screens Wednesdays at 7.30pm on TVNZ 1, and streams on TVNZ+.
