If someone was to ask Ivanka Zonjic, “How do you balance it all?”, her answer would be simple: I don’t.
Like so many women, the broadcaster has found herself becoming the organiser, the fixer, the rememberer, the decision-maker. The one people rely on at work and within a family.
“From the outside, I look like I have everything under control, but from the inside, I’m carrying this whole invisible load that nobody sees,” shares Newstalk
ZB’s Time Saver Traffic presenter on the Mike Hosking breakfast show.
“It’s having a constant mental checklist with an unseen pressure to be everything to everyone. “While we encourage women to look after their bodies, we don’t always acknowledge the unseen load so many carry every day. So I want to start a conversation for Women’s Health Week that includes the mental and emotional wellbeing, not just physical health.”
Running on empty
Ivanka’s invisible load had been building for years – first as a single mother, then more recently with the pressures of working full-time while helping her parents and making time for granddaughter Mia, three.
“I’m running on adrenaline right now,” admits Ivanka, 56.
“I have so much on my plate, I don’t know how I’m even juggling it. My days are very long. I sleep five hours a night and get up at 4.30am for work, where I’m busy organising my all-male team, whom I want to remind that I’m not their mother!”
“Then after my shift, I head to my 83-year-old dad’s mechanics garage to deal with customers and do invoicing before getting home at 4.30pm. If Mum needs help with anything or needs to go to a doctor’s appointment, I’m there to make sure she’s okay. “I’m no expert on this at all! I just know there are a lot of women out there who are feeling the same way as me, that they have got no choice. We’re exhausted.”
The load you can’t see
According to one US study, 75 percent of women globally report being responsible for the majority of household tasks and caregiving duties. But the invisible load is the non-tangible tasks that running a household – with or without children – demands.
Ivanka explains, “It’s not one big thing. It’s the number of little things that never switch off, like remembering birthdays, planning meals, organising appointments and often carrying the emotional responsibility of making sure everyone else is okay.”
Ivanka believes that if she wasn’t eating healthily and doing regular exercise, she would have burnt out a long time ago. She’s also grateful to have her supportive partner of 18 years, Dylan McKenzie.
“I can vent to him to a point, before he stops me and makes me take a deep breath,” she shares.
Making the invisible visible
Ivanka says the first step is to start making the invisible visible. Often our family members, friends and workmates don’t see or value this hidden labour.
“It’s a reminder to them to check in on the people who always seem to have everything under control. Instead of asking, ‘How are you?’ and accepting ‘I’m fine’. Maybe ask, ‘How are you, really?’, then give them the time and space to answer. “Strength can hide struggle. The women who seem like they’ve got everything together are often the very women nobody checks on.”
Ivanka’s first experience of the invisible load came in the early 2000s when her marriage broke up and she became a single mum to daughter Danjela, then four.
Around the same time, Ivanka was made redundant from her marketing role at a health publishing company she had worked at for 12 years.
You don’t have to carry it alone
She recalls, “I had to move back home to my parents with my daughter. During those 10 months without work, I did a radio broadcasting course at the University of Auckland and ended up working for NZME.
“So the invisible load depends on what season you’re at in your life. I had to start again and there were so many things going on in my mind that if I hadn’t had the support from my parents, I don’t know if I could have got through.”
“Being strong doesn’t mean carrying everything by yourself. It’s okay to ask for help, say no, rest without guilt and share the load. The strongest women aren’t the ones who carry everything alone – they’re the ones who know they don’t have to. “My hope is that women recognise themselves in this story and realise they’re not alone. If it encourages one person to check in on someone they care about, then it’s a conversation worth having.”
What’s the impact of The Invisible Load?
Burnout: The unrelenting pressure of scheduling appointments, updating the grocery list, managing the family calendar and solving conflicts can lead to feelings of exhaustion and hopelessness.
Lack of Acknowledgment: When work that takes up hours of every day on top of employment goes unrecognised, it can create a sense of isolation and invisibility.
Work/Life imBalance: Women who bear a disproportionate amount of invisible labour often struggle to balance work, family and personal interests. The sacrifice is most often personal interests.
Women’s Health Week runs from August 10 to 16. Ivanka is also a panellist at HERizon Welcome to the Jungle on August 13 from 8.30am to 12pm at the Auckland Business Chamber. For tickets, go to events.humanitix.com.
