Cuddling her gorgeous newborn nephew Santiago during a family gathering in New York, Dr Lesina Nakhid-Schuster felt extra-excited about the prospect of one day welcoming her own little one.
So when the Bachelorette NZ star split with her fiancé Tom Brodie months later, it was a step backwards from her family dreams.
But as the bubbly doc chats to Woman’s Day during a day off in Hamilton, it’s clear she hasn’t lost her unwavering optimism when it comes to love.
“This might sound delusional, but I’ve never thought I wouldn’t end up with someone or have kids,” says Lesina, opening up about the break-up after months of fielding questions about her and Tom’s wedding on social media.
“I still firmly believe my person’s out there.”
After ending her 2020 stint on The Bachelorette by choosing none of the eligible contenders, Lesina, 38, met Tom on a dating app in 2023.
Love wasn’t enough
The pair later filled Woman’s Day in on their whimsical Raglan engagement. However, they found themselves spending more time in disagreements than wedding planning and Lesina slowly realised they were too different.
“I was so swept up in early stages of relationships that I overlooked deeper stuff,” Lesina reflects.
“We view things really differently and neither perspective is right or wrong, but there was too much we didn’t gel on. Like communication and conflict resolution. “It’s always important that each person in a partnership really understands their own attachment styles as well as the other person’s. Without that, unhelpful patterns can start forming.”
Still, Lesina remained “super-hopeful” they would pull through.
“I was holding onto glimpses of the good times, but that wasn’t our reality. The bad times were outweighing the good.”
Learning to let go
The two even attended therapy but ultimately ended their engagement.
“I genuinely thought he was The One and I’d never felt that before. It was a hard thing to let go of because I thought, ‘What if I don’t feel that again?’ But I’ve realised love alone isn’t enough to keep a healthy, sustainable relationship alive.”
Loved ones showered her with support after the split, turning up for sleepovers, dinner dates and movie nights.
Lesina has since been working on herself and reflecting on how they each contributed to the relationship’s breakdown. She’s also been reading relationship guide Attached And Secure, and utilising her “happy list”, which includes nature walks with her bestie and Duck Island’s milk chocolate fudge ice cream.
And while she remains busy with an intense five-year training programme to become an ear, nose and throat surgeon, she’s also getting back out there.
Knowing what she needs
Lesina shares, “It’s been easier than entering the dating scene after previous break-ups because I know myself and my needs so well now, which is empowering.
“Having a cool, aloof partner’s spicy and exciting, but I need someone who’s stable and grounded. It sounds boring, but I live such a big life with so much going on, so I need someone who’s happy, secure and supportive of that.”
The split isn’t the only low Lesina has endured in recent months. She’s still devastated by the loss of her bestie Thinh, who went swimming one weekend in Tauranga and drowned. Lesina was at work when she got a call from police who were trying to contact his family in Vietnam.
“That was a hard one,” she says.
“More tears than the break-up. He was so young and bright, so it was totally tragic.”
Holding onto hope
After the low, Lesina found joy in visiting her sister Shani and brother-in-law Eric in New York, where the family gathered for Christmas and Santiago’s birth.
“We were there six weeks and went to the hospital with her. We’re that family where they have to go, ‘OK, visiting hours are done now!’ “It reminded how much I can’t wait to have my own kids,” admits Lesina, who’s considering freezing her eggs.
“Of course, now I’m like, ‘Who am I going to have kids with?’ But on social media, so many people are like, ‘I’m a late mum,’ which is encouraging. I’ll face any challenges when the time comes. “But I’m still excited for all those things and haven’t lost hope. I’m big on manifesting, so it’ll happen, but my person’s just taking a while. Come on now!”
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