Looking through a lifetime of memories her mum carefully collected and saved, Jenny-May Clarkson felt stunned by her younger self’s confidence and determination – and also found herself questioning, “Where did that girl go?’
She shares, “It was quite confronting actually, going through all the scrapbooks. There was this girl that I once was that I didn’t recognise. The way I spoke and thought about things, and the confidence I seemed to exude – I was so resolute in what I was saying and the direction I was heading.”
The youngest of six children raised in the small King’s Country township of Piopio, Breakfast host Jenny-May remembers knowing without a doubt when she was just 11 that she wanted to play for the Silver Ferns one day.
“I know I peppered self-doubt throughout that time during my school days and eventually through my netball career,” she reflects. “But I guess from working in TV, you tend to be really tough on yourself. It got me thinking about how I am now compared to the confidence of that young woman 30 years ago.”
After finally agreeing to write a book on her life, Jenny-May found herself beside her husband Dean, combing through boxes and boxes of old news articles and old photos.
“Someone asked me four years ago to write a book,” tells Jenny-May, 51. “I said no because I didn’t think my story was interesting, or that anyone would want to know or read about it.”
“My dad [Waka Coffin] was a very humble man and liked that humility was passed on to his children. I felt I was blowing my own trumpet and it went against the grain for me.”
But a milestone birthday and some unexpected life-changing learnings in a leadership course were the turning point in deciding she was ready.
“The course encouraged us to be who we are and that we all have important things to say,” she says. “I found being empowered like that, and at the same time turning 50, really had a profound effect on me.
“As soon as I hit 50, I had this newfound freedom to accept who I am and it gave me the courage to write about aspects of my life.”
Laughing, she explains when she told her loved ones she was going to write a book, no one felt particularly surprised.
“My mum [Paddy Coffin] said the same thing she said to me when I got my moko kauae [traditional Māori chin tattoo], ‘Oh, yeah, I’ve been waiting for this.’”
The result is Full Circle, a story of reclamation, where Jenny-May opens up about her childhood, life as a sports star, police officer, broadcaster, wife and mother on a mission to connect with her culture.
“There were some very humbling emotional moments and a bit of fear,” she says. “But I’ve come out the other side of everything a better person for it.”
Definitely better, Jenny-May’s certain of that, but also she admits with less of the certainty and optimism of her youth.
“It’s beautiful when you’re young, but life kind of throws you curveballs here and there, and you come out more resilient, but a bit weary.”
Candidly, she tells the Weekly almost six years of hosting Breakfast has sometimes taken a toll.
“Coping with the daily rigours of it, the constant scrutiny has at times been difficult,” she admits. “But at the same time, I’m grateful our audience has seen me grow and witnessed me from the beginning, developing, finding myself and being older.”
In a moving foreword full of warm praise for his wife, Dean writes that through Jenny-May’s story, people will get to know “new layers to the woman behind the screen.”
Dean, 50, adds, “Beyond the accolades and public persona, what makes her truly special is her authenticity. The courage to share her story, raw and unfiltered, in a way that connects deeply with those who listen.”
Jenny-May shares nine-year-old twin sons Te Manahau and Atawhai with Dean, and is also stepmum to his teen daughters Libby-Jane and Leah. She says the new project also gave her a chance to stop and really look back on becoming a mother at the age of 41.
“I thought motherhood was going to be fine and it absolutely floored me,” she reveals. “I thought it would come naturally and it never did for me, even to this day.”
It’s a refreshing admission from Jenny-May, who always tries to improve as a person and a mother, and isn’t afraid to admit when she has made a mistake.
“I blew up one day at my sons,” she shares. “So I sat them down at the table and I started crying, and said, ‘Māmā is so sorry. I shouldn’t have raised my voice like that. I’m tired, but that’s not on you, boys. I love you and just wanted to say sorry.’
“One of my sons, his eyes filled with tears, and my other son looked at me and said, ‘Māmā, I feel like we have this conversation all the time and nothing changes.’ Talk about out of the mouths of babes, always putting a mirror to your face and showing you words are cheap.”
These days, her home feels settled most of the time, but she’s incredibly honest about how perimenopause has affected her family life.
“It takes time to figure out what works, and in that time, there are huge highs and deep lows,” she reflects. “It has a real impact on relationships and changes the temperature of your home.”
After the huge transition sideswiped her, Jenny-May’s inadvertently become an advocate for women everywhere experiencing menopause and always tries to normalise it.
“I reflect on my mum,” says Jenny-May, who lists sleep, exercise, being ruthless with her time and priorities, as well as being connected to her Māoritanga as vital for her wellbeing.
“It’s not something we talk about, but I reflect on times growing up and it makes sense to me now. When I look at other women around my age and can pick up on what they’re potentially going through, I’m always mindful of that now.”
Jenny-May was 38 when she first took up the mantle to learn her language, taking a 12-month break from her broadcasting career to study full-time.
“At the beginning, you never feel Māori enough,” she muses. “There’s a feeling of, ‘I don’t know enough reo, tikanga or whakapapa’ [language, customs or ancestral connections].”
She decided to reclaim her reo while hosting the Whakaata Māori sports TV series Code. Reading from the autocue, she often didn’t understand the Māori phrases she was saying, and would feel embarrassed when people mistakenly assumed she was fluent and spoke to her in te reo. Now it flourishes in her home, where she speaks te reo with her sons, who attend full immersion language education kura kaupapa.
“I’ve come to a place where I accept where I’m at,” she says. “It’s not where I want to be. I could learn more and I want to, but I’m okay with where I’m at. I’m not pretending to be anything more.”
When asked what stands out as the highlights of her life to date, Jenny-May’s quick in her response.
It’s not the international sports accolades or her television career, but the culmination of all her small, supportive interactions with people over the years.
“The Silver Ferns stuff was an amazing experience,” she tells. “I’ll always be grateful for it, but it’s the words people spoke over me, the power of those words and their actions, which were very simple but had a major impact on me.
“It reminds me that the interactions you have with people, showing kindness and sharing wisdom, can have such an impact, even when the person is too young to know it. I didn’t realise at the time, but amongst all my incredible experiences through life, it wouldn’t have been possible without the foresight and kindness of others.”
Not one for resolutions or intention setting, Jenny-May has no idea what’s next, but she’s excited for whatever is in store.
“I feel like I’m just getting started,” she smiles. “I’m not sure what it’s going to lead to or what I’m meant to do, but I feel like there’s a whole new chapter ahead.
“My whole life I’ve been chasing things – there’s always been something in front of me I’ve been aiming for. Now I’m just more open to the potential of what the future holds.
“When I was younger, I’d always say there are opportunities that pass us by every single day if we’re not open to them, but I really have come full circle in that I’m ready to receive whatever’s next.
“I feel really lucky that writing this book has reignited and made me remember who that girl was, so I can recapture her essence.”
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