Radio funnygirl Bree Tomasel has a shocking confession to make – at 34 years old, she has never read a single book. That hasn’t stopped her from writing a book, though, and as she sits down to chat to Woman’s Day, the Celebrity Treasure Island host and ZM radio presenter admits there’s no one more surprised than her that she’s somehow become an author.
“I still can’t quite believe I’ve done it,” she laughs, catching up over a cup of tea at an Auckland café near the home she shares with her partner Sophia and their dogs, Whitney Houston and Meryl Streep.
Bree is talking to us about Unapologetically Me: Tales From My Perfectly Imperfect Life, her heartwarming and hilarious book all about her life.
While the 34-year-old Aussie, who moved to New Zealand in 2018, is best known for her on-air antics and social-media pranks, the memoir – which she refers to as “a collection of silly little stories from my silly little life” – reveals another side to the broadcaster.
Vulnerable and raw, Bree’s story gives a unique insight into growing up questioning her sexuality in rural Queensland, and the emotionally complex realities faced by many young people as they and their own families come to terms with who they are.
Unapologetically Me also lifts the lid on Bree’s lifelong battle with anxiety, her recent ADHD diagnosis and a terrifying home invasion that changed her life forever as a child.
“I was determined to be totally honest and not to hold anything back. But, I don’t think I quite realised just how hard it would be to unlock every single detail about every single memory from my life,” she says with a grimace.
“There was stuff I had pushed so far down and memories that I didn’t want to relive. I had to though, because they were all part of the puzzle. And even though it’s been hard and I’ve cried a lot, I’ve also learnt a lot along the way.”
It was the chapter named “Terror” that brought back the most painful memories for Bree. She was the victim of an appalling home invasion in her Aussie hometown of Stanthorpe at age nine.
At home from school with a sore tummy, Bree and her mum Dianne were visiting her grandmother. Suddenly, two knife-wielding men stormed into the house, demanding their car keys and money.
When they didn’t find what they’d come for, one of the men grabbed Bree and held her at knifepoint. Her petrified mother pleaded with them to let her daughter go. She can still remember the feeling of the cold blade against her skin. The fear that she was going to be killed was overwhelming.
Bree writes, “I could feel the man’s breath on the side of my face. The stench made me feel like I was going to be sick. ‘I’m going to die.’ I knew it. This was the end.”
While the men eventually gave up, making off with only Bree’s family car, the terrifying incident left her with lifelong trauma. She suffered her first panic attack soon after the invasion and they’ve continued into her adult life. Bree felt constantly scared for years to come. The star believes it was this incident that “flicked the switch” on her anxiety.
“For me, nothing was the same again,” she writes. “The chilled-out, happy kid had left the building. In her place was a terrified little girl who didn’t feel safe again for a very long time.
“I felt worried all the time. I was always ready to run or hide and I hated the dark. On top of that, I didn’t like loud noises, but I also really didn’t like the silence. Suddenly, the life I loved so much didn’t feel quite so great.”
Bree says now, “I cried the whole way through writing that chapter and I still cry every time I read it. I don’t think I realised how much what happened affected me and still affects me as an adult. It was the scariest thing that could ever happen to a child.”
But Bree explains being open about the home invasion and her subsequent mental health battles are a big reason why she decided to write this book. She reveals heartwrenching details of two breakdowns she experienced in her twenties.
The first happened when she was living in Brisbane and working seven days a week. She was trying to get her big break in commercial radio. The second struck after Covid and kept her from seeing her family for almost two years.
Both breakdowns saw her virtually bedbound for weeks, unable to eat or sleep, and were related to health anxiety – a condition where sufferers become convinced they’re seriously unwell. In Bree’s case, a decade ago, it was a small freckle that led to the all-consuming belief she had terminal melanoma.
“I know how crazy it makes me sound, but it’s real. It’s incredibly scary when it happens,” says Bree, who was eventually prescribed medication for depression and anxiety. “The way I describe my mental health is that sometimes it’s like a wild animal and I can’t control it.”
While it feels uncomfortable at times sharing such painful, personal experiences, she knew it was important to be open. As someone with a huge following, she says she felt determined not to sugarcoat her life.
“It’s very easy for people to look at social media or listen to the radio thinking everyone’s got their s**t together and everything’s great, then feel bad because their life is not like that,” she admits.
“I don’t want to be that person making others feel crap or using their voice in that way. It’s really important for me to show real life. I am not going to skim over the tough parts. This is not a highlights reel, that’s for sure!”
But it’s perhaps the writing about her sexuality that she’s most proud of when it comes to her book. Bree provides readers with a unique insight into the complex process of coming to terms with who she is. She also writes about the confusing years when she was unable to be truthful with her beloved dad Stephen.
As an Italian Catholic, Stephen’s parents raised him to believe homosexuality is wrong. Unapologetically Me reveals the emotional damage as Bree struggled with the idea her father wouldn’t love her as much if he knew she was queer. She made her mum promise never to tell him, which Bree came to regret.
“Living a double life is just horrible,” she says. “You spin these webs of lies that just grow and grow, leading to so much shame and sadness.”
It took her years to be totally upfront with her dad about her sexuality. She described it as “the elephant in the room” for more than a decade. Now, though, he loves her for who she is.
“The most rewarding thing for me about doing this book is that it has led to some good conversations that we hadn’t had before,” enthuses Bree. She used to feel angry at her father for not bringing her sexuality out into the open.
“I’ve been able to get his side of the story and understand his perspective now. It’s been difficult but also really therapeutic. This has brought us closer together, which is really nice.”
Bree can hardly hide her relief and joy that she is able to live openly and happily with Sophia, a neonatal nurse, by her side. The couple, who met online in 2019, are now looking to the future as they take the tentative first steps towards becoming parents.
“We do want to be mums and would love to have a baby,” says Bree. “But because we’re both girls, there are a few little hoops we have to jump through first. There’s not going to be a happy accident! We’re taking things day by day.”
As her book hits shelves this week, the star’s excited and terrified in equal measure. She hopes it will help others going through tough times and give readers a few laughs too.
Bree smiles, “The reason why I dredged up all my dirty laundry was the hope some people might be able to relate and find some comfort in the fact the way they feel isn’t just them – that they’re not alone. It brings me so much joy if I can connect with people in that way.”
If you’re struggling with your mental health, please call or text 1737 at any time to speak to a trained counsellor for free. For help with your sexuality, call 0800 OUTLINE or visit outline.org.nz.