With her warm smile and bubbly personality, radio and TV star Aroha Hathaway has a knack for making people feel comfortable when they’re in front of the camera.
That’s because the popular broadcaster knows what it’s like to face your demons, having been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression, growing up as an obese teenager, and being subjected to sexual abuse as a child.
Speaking to the Weekly ahead of her appearance on Maori Television’s The Nutter’s Club, a mental health advice show, Aroha talks about how her struggles have made her the strong woman she is today.
“One of the things about having a mental illness is that there are times when you feel all alone – but you’re not,” says the 40-year-old.
“There are many issues I can talk about. I’ve always been vocal about mental illness because it’s a silent killer. If it goes unnoticed and if people don’t get help, it can be very dangerous. ”
In 2000, the former Good Morning presenter was diagnosed with depression. She was a single parent to her then three-year-old son Tikirau and working long hours.
Friend and work colleague at the time, Polly Gillespie, urged Aroha to see a doctor, after noticing she was experiencing erratic mood swings and wasn’t coping well.
“I describe having a mental illness like being a can of Red Bull and everyone else is a bottle of water,” Aroha says.
“With water, you can leave it on the dashboard in the sun and it will stay clear. But if you take a can of Red Bull, shake it up and leave it on a dashboard, it’ll explode. It’s the chemicals – we’re just made differently.”
Years later, Aroha was also diagnosed with bipolar and began exploring ways to understand and manage it.
Now, she is so open about her illness, she calls herself crazy as a term of endearment.
“When I use it, you can substitute the word for magnificent,” she explains.
Better understanding of her mental wellbeing has helped Aroha realise how two major incidents in her childhood have impacted her adult life.
Although as a teenager she succeeded academically, Aroha weighed more than 103kg and was an emotional eater.
“The way I was treated as a fat girl affected the way I behaved in relationships.
“I always expected people to put me down, and thought being treated poorly by the other person in the relationship was acceptable,” she says.
Aroha was also abused as a young girl, a horrific ordeal she repressed for years and only dealt with later in life.
“I didn’t realise I still had hang-ups about the sexual abuse until I was in my thirties.
“I thought I was sweet, but I was showing behaviour that wasn’t just from eating chips. I had pushed the abuse aside, forgetting that it had ever happened to me.”
As a result, Aroha learned ways to deal with the complex issues she was facing.
Putting on weight as a teen, Aroha (pictured here at 90kg) lacked confidence, but she has learned to overcome her fears.
“Sometimes you get worse before you get better. What the years have shown me is I put more trust in myself.
“I’m determined not to dig myself into a hole, to have solid foundations. I know the things that keep me mentally well.”
Aroha doesn’t take medication for her illness. Instead, she manages her depression and bipolar with diet, exercise and talking to family and friends.
“You shouldn’t have to medicate yourself to make yourself more palliative to others. If you’re crazy, go crazy. If you laugh out loud, if you dance in public, just do it. If you’re not hurting people, then just be yourself. “
The former Marae DIY presenter has a huge outside deck at her Auckland home, and it’s her sanctuary where she often invites friends to help her unload.“Magic happens on that deck,” Aroha explains.
“I get to talk to my friends, who are wonderful men and women, and can be myself.”
Aroha is also proud of her Maori roots and her ancestral home in Waikaremoana is where she feels invigorated.
“When I’m there, it’s like I have an umbilical cord connecting me to the land. It’s the place I feel most at peace.”
But her biggest motivation has always been son Tikirau (16).
“Thinking about him pulled me out of deep dark places. He’s the shining light at the end of my tunnel.”
Aroha is also an advocate for the wellbeing of those with mental illness. “There’s a stigma attached to it because it’s unseen. You can see cancer, you can comprehend the treatment. I hate when people say, ‘Just harden up.’ People find it hard to understand it’s a real thing.”
Today, Aroha has found a healthy balance between work, family and friends. Still working in radio, she is also branching out into writing and acting.
“Stuff still happens, but I know how to deal with it all.”
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