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Urzila Carlson: Safety First

New Zealand Women's Weekly columnist Urzila has finally found the key to being a true blue Kiwi.

New Zealand is a beautiful country and, as a foreigner, let me tell you that foreign people love coming here.

We love exploring and we love to say, “Wow!” and “Oooh” whenever we go around a corner and see beautiful Kiwi scenery.

But as foreigners, we don’t want to rely on other people to show us around.

Most tourists, no matter where they are from, like the freedom of driving – the beauty of being able to get in a car and go wherever you like.

What visitors to our country might not know, though, are the myriad ways you can lose your wheels here.

I understand this as someone who has not only had a car stolen, but also a scooter (out of Central Auckland – not from my West Auckland safe haven).

You can also lose your car by driving like an egg so that the police lock it away. But lately, there is a new way to lose your car.

If you drive erratically or unsafely, a true blue Kiwi might very well pull you over and take your keys off you before they ring the cops.

Or they could just biff them over a fence to stop you from putting lives at risk. I applaud the fact that citizens want to keep other road users safe.

It’s so good, in fact, that I recommend we extend it!

Because there is another place where people are behind the wheel – or wheels – and if they can’t drive well, they put people at risk (maybe not their lives, but definitely their nerves).

I am, of course, talking about people who have no idea how to operate a shopping trolley!

There are very few things that frustrate me as much as people completely unaware of what’s happening around them.

I call it “zero spatial awareness” (I don’t know if it’s an actual thing, but it should be).

I see people pushing their trolleys willy-nilly, totally unaware of other people with trolleys. People who stop mid-aisle to look for the right kind of apples.

It’s so frustrating that I feel like spitting, “C’mon! Just grab the royal galas and let’s get moving, buddy!”

I’m getting more and more alarmed at how I’m starting to suffer from “aisle rage”.

While I don’t really want to yell at anybody for hitting my ankles with their trolley when all I want is to get some artichokes and garlic bread (hey, it’s for a certain kind of dish), this has become a real possibility.

Now that I hold a valid New Zealand passport and have been through the citizenship ceremony, I feel obliged to pull over these irresponsible trolley pushers, take their wheels away and send them packing.

Before I begin, though, I need to know one thing. What will I do with their groceries? Is it my responsibility to pack them back on the shelves?

Maybe I should just shop online!

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