Emily Chalk
Steph Monks loves Friday mornings. It’s the one day where the popular co-host of The Edge Afternoon Show gets to slow down and spend precious one-on-one time with her delightful boy Rocco.
“It is hands-down my favourite part of the week – just us hanging out at home,” she smiles. “He’s just learnt to walk and he loves pushing things around the house, rearranging our rooms. I reckon he’s got a future in interior design!
“Rocco makes us laugh every single day. He’s so inquisitive and determined. He currently cracks up at the word ‘ew’ – he thinks it’s the funniest thing ever!”
Rocco recently had his first birthday, which Steph, 33, and her fiancé Jake Ebdale, 35, celebrated by taking the day off work. Over brunch, they reminisced about their first year of parenthood and recalled how those early days felt like a bit of a blur. Then they went to the zoo, where Rocco was enchanted by his new favourite animal, the emu.
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“Newborn life was much harder than I expected,” Steph tells Woman’s Day.
“I remember taking a photo of myself during a moment where I’d been bawling my eyes out – just hours before, we’d had the most beautiful morning together.
“I wanted to remember how quickly things could change. Hormones, exhaustion… It’s all so intense. My mum used to say, ‘Look for your win for the day,’ to remind me to focus on the small things, rather than expecting it all to be perfect.”
A self-described type-A personality, Steph says the lack of control that comes with newborn life hit her hard.
“If I’m not good at something, I usually don’t want to do it, but you can’t be perfect at parenting, especially not at the start,” she shares.
“I struggled massively with not having all the answers. It just means you care and you want to do a good job, right? I especially battled with the confidence of leaving the house with Rocco when he was a baby – it terrified me and felt overwhelming.”
Her fiancé Jake, who works at Sky, was a rock through it all. Her eyes welling up, Steph says, “He’s honestly the best dad I’ve ever seen. I could cry just thinking about it. He’s so natural and so loving. Rocco completely idolises him.
“But so many people were so generous to us, especially in that first month. Friends would drop off coffees and leave roast dinner for us at the door. My mum Sue dropped everything to fly up from Wellington to stay and was such an amazing support for me.”
When Steph returned to work three months after Rocco’s arrival, Jake took over full-time parenting for the next three months, which Steph says “bonded them in the most beautiful way – they became best mates”.
As well as becoming a mum, it has also been a big year on the professional front for Steph. The Auckland-based star stepped into a leadership role on The Edge’s drive show when her longtime friend and co-host Sharyn Casey left the show to spend more time with her family.
“It was bittersweet when she left because Sharyn’s the reason I have a job in radio and I was so lucky to work with her,” says Steph. “But stepping up into that role has felt good. I’m having heaps of fun at work, and I love mentoring and working with the newer team members.”
Balancing work with family life isn’t always easy, but Steph credits Jake for making it possible, saying he’s so supportive that she’s never felt like she has to choose between her job and being a mum.
The pair got engaged in 2019, when Jake proposed on the Greek island of Santorini during a year of travel. Steph came back from that trip with an engagement ring – and a baby name!
“In Italy, we sat on this bench in front of a church called San Rocco, which I thought was a cool name, so I put it on my list, which I’ve had on my phone since high school,” she laughs.
Steph says Rocco was a big baby – 4.97kg at birth – and her labour was dramatic.
“We ended up driving to the hospital in peak morning traffic,” she recalls.
“I was in the passenger seat, eyes screwed closed from the labour pain, then I’d open them to see someone sitting in the car next to me just staring!”
She was dilated eight centimetres on arrival and almost too late to get the epidural she was desperate for.
“It was like a scene from a rom-com – people offered me a wheelchair and everyone parted like the Red Sea when they saw me coming!” she tells.
“Once I had the epidural, I felt like myself again. I even cracked a joke. Once it kicked in, I noticed my midwife in the room and said hi. I’d been in so much pain, I hadn’t clicked she’d been there for an hour!”
But the relief didn’t last long. After hours of trying everything to deliver naturally, Steph was told she needed an emergency C-section.
“I was gutted to have got that far and then still need surgery,” she admits.
“But I couldn’t believe how quick the surgery was and once he was here, it was all worth it.”
However, Steph’s body was thrown by the labour. She tells, “Afterwards, I got the full-body shakes, I sweated all night, I didn’t get a wink of sleep, I lost my peripheral vision and I couldn’t even speak to tell Jake what I wanted from the hospital menu. I was so scared. My body was literally shutting down.”
Things thankfully improved and now, 13 months on, she feels like she has really hit her stride in motherhood. Every morning starts with Steph, Jake, Rocco and Larry the dog walking the five minutes to their local beach.
“We grab a coffee and it’s just the best. Rocco soaks it all in – everything is new and amazing to him. He’s obsessed with Larry. In fact, ‘Larry’ might’ve been his first word.”
Initially, golden retriever Larry – Steph’s “first child” – was disgruntled by the arrival of the new member of the house, but now that Rocco is eating solids and dropping food everywhere, Steph says Larry has become his biggest fan.
She shares a funny story of them burying Rocco’s placenta in a potted olive tree that sits on their deck.
Steph laughs, “We had the whole family around when we did it, then Larry came inside with a red forehead and we couldn’t figure out why. Was he hurt? Where was the blood coming from? Turns out the placenta was dripping out the pot to under the deck, where Larry found it!”
She says a few pieces of advice really helped her through motherhood: “If it’s working, then it works. Don’t get caught up in comparisons. Ask for help. There’s a sisterhood among mums and people want to help.”
And the best part of this busy, wonderful first year?
“Just watching Rocco experience things for the first time – that’s the greatest joy,” enthuses Steph.
“Even when he’s having a meltdown, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
“Every day I wake up, I try to have the best day ever and make incredible memories for him.”
