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What to do when your little girl’s fashion goes too far

The way a young girl dresses has been a topic of discussion and concern among parents for generations but never before have mums and dads had to deal with little girls sexing up their image to a degree that can only be described as provocative.

It may be how her favourite singer dresses and dances on TV, but when your little girl is 10 years old it is impossible for her to understand the consequences of provocation. She could be setting herself up for behaviour being directed towards her which she doesn’t understand and cannot cope with. Here are some tips for dealing with your daughter if she is showing alarming tendencies towards dressing like a Bratz doll:

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  • There is no getting around this one and it’s unfortunate that you have to have this talk with your 10-year-old, but it is necessary, especially if she thinks short shorts and midriff tops are appropriate. You should have already taught your daughter about stranger danger, inappropriate touching and what to do if she is approached. If you haven’t, then get started. Explain that the way she dresses is an adult way to dress and sends the wrong messages to some men about how old she is, her intentions and his right to approach her – and you don’t want her having to deal with that.

  • Sit down and watch some of the videos she is looking at and talk to her about the way women choose to use their bodies. Explain that some women like to show a lot of flesh because they think it makes them more attractive, but there are many other ways a girl or woman can be attractive, such as being fun to talk to, intelligent, a good friend, etc. Point out female singers and dancers who don’t dress provocatively. There are a few!

  • Talk to your daughter about how it is good to look well-groomed with nice hair and clothes but showing a lot of flesh is something only older girls do and, even for them, you’re not sure it is a great way to look.

  • Work hard to find some role models for her that are appropriate – less of the pole-dancing Miley Cyrus and more of that lovely Taylor Swift.

  • Make sure she has clothes which are reasonably cool. If you expect her to wear hand-knitted cardigans and pleated skirts, you are setting yourself up for a girl who changes her clothes the minute she’s around the corner. Instead, be realistic and accept that fashionable jeans, T-shirts and other popular, though less revealing, clothes are okay for your daughter to wear.

  • Don’t ever say, “No, you’re not wearing that!” to your daughter without a proper explanation. At 10 or 11, she won’t understand and will think you are just being mean. Explain that the shorts are too high and show a lot of her legs and bottom, and this might attract attention she isn’t used to from older people.

  • Help her develop her own style, independent of what she sees in the media. Spend some time discussing fashion – what you wore at her age, what you’ve learned about how to dress, such as layering clothes in changeable weather. Encourage her to have her own ideas, rather than copying a style or trend. A cheap way to do this is to let her loose in op shops so she can buy bits and pieces she likes to experiment with at home.

  • Don’t ever feel you can’t say “no”, as long as you explain your reasons. You are the adult, you know more about the world and it’s up to you to protect your child.

  • Watch what you wear and how you react to women who wear little or nothing. If your daughter hears you saying that Pamela Anderson looks amazing and sees you trotting out of the house in practically nothing, she’ll be confused. Be consistent with your message.

  • If your daughter really is determined to dress like an extra in a rock video, tell her that when she is an adult – and you can decide when that may be – she can dress however she wants. But while she is a child she needs to do what is safest for her.

Why are girls dressing like this?

Girls dressing like older teens is nothing new, but as styles have become more suggestive, the practice has taken on more significance. Girls often emulate models and teen pop stars who incorporate sexual imagery into their acts and teen fashions have followed this trend.

In addition, the term “girl power” has been used as a marketing tool to encourage girls to define their power through their appearance. Then there’s age compression, where young kids are exposed to and encouraged to purchase products more appropriate for older age groups. This explains why it’s not uncommon to find suggestive styles even in the smallest of sizes. However, these items wouldn’t be on the market if they didn’t sell and many parents find it difficult to know where to draw the line.

Are sexy fashions harmless?

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Hardly. Sexual attire may provoke unwanted attention that young girls aren’t mature enough to deal with. Plus, a heightened focus on appearance can contribute to unhealthy competition among girls.

Those who intentionally project a “sexy” image at a young age and receive attention for it may come to view this as the most worthy part of themselves and drop healthier activities they feel conflict with this identity. This image may also make them appear older and encourage connections with peer groups that could put them at risk.

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