Dear Wendyl, I’m in my forties and recently decided that I wanted to find out the identity of my birth mother. It’s never really worried me before, even when I had my kids, but for some reason it’s bugging me now. My problem is that my adopted mum doesn’t want me to search for my birth mother. I love oum a lot and it isn’t because I’m not happy with her in any way. How can I make her feel better about my journey? Rachel, oarlborough
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Dear Rachel, I presume you know how to go about looking for your birth mother. If not, there’s a great guide online at www.cyf.govt.nz/adoptions.htm – click on Information for Adopted People. Meanwhile, you need to get your mum settled. First, consider the circumstances of your adoption – is there something about your birth family she feels might hurt you? Reassure her you’re prepared and mature enough to face the situation and simply explain to her that finding your birth family is a way of understanding who you are and where your genes came from. My advice is to include her as much as possible in the search and perhaps include her in any counselling you may have leading up to it.Wendyl
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