Favouring one child over the other

Dear Wendyl,

My daughter recently gave birth to my two beautiful twin granddaughters. We all love them so much and I see them most days as they live just around the corner. Lately I’ve noticed that my daughter seems to favour one of the twins over the other, giving her more attention and talking about the other one as her “problem child”. It is true that one is a little more scratchy and demanding than the other, but I really think favouring one over the other will just lead to terrible problems later. I don’t know how to stop this happening. Do you have any suggestions?

Worried Nana, by email

Dear Worried Nana,

This is the wonderful thing about being a grandparent, you can sit back and observe, and your input is very valuable. I think your daughter is doing this quite unconsciously and probably isn’t aware of her behaviour. So to be a good nana and gently point out that you’ve noticed she finds one daughter easier to be with than the other. If she is surprised, then that might be all it takes – just pointing it out and telling her how hard it must be for the neglected one. If she is well aware of it then you will need to offer support to help her spend more time bonding with the neglected twin. Taking on child for walks or to your house for short periods to let your daughter spend more time with the other twin could be a good start.