When Tory Whanau announced she wouldn’t be running for a second term as mayor of Wellington in June, she never planned to go out silently.
Fighting back against hate
Instead, tired of relentless online abuse, death threats and vicious rumours, the Porirua-born politician took a stand. Wanting to create safer pathways for women and Māori into politics, Tory spoke publicly about an email written by mayoral candidate Ray Chung that falsely accused her of a sexual encounter with a neighbour’s son that was sent to fellow councillors.
“I came into this role as a change-maker,” Tory, 42, tells Woman’s Day.
“I’m a proud wahine Māori. I’m young and I’ll always fight for what I believe in. It’s hard for women politicians at the moment, especially females who are progressive and brown. There are small groups who try to dehumanise you because they don’t believe in the policies you’re trying to push. We just have to keep fighting.”
During her photoshoot at Wellington City Council, the former Lotto winner is notably relaxed. She chats about her new advocacy work, excitement at running for the Māori ward and her desire to find love.
Strength behind the silence
“My passion is serving my people,” she says.
“I’m very much focused on wāhine Māori, rangatahi [young] Māori and those who come from diverse communities.”
It’s here in Tory’s office, overlooking the community she loves, that she began her three-year term as mayor in October 2022.
Catching a glimpse of her makeup in a mirror, Tory jokes, “Damn, she’s fierce. I better get a man from this!”
Explaining she’s been single for the past three years, she adds, “When I was elected, I just stopped dating because I was like, ‘I’m wahine toa [a strong woman] – I can do it myself!’ But actually, there’s something about having someone to talk to and the hardest part has been the loneliness.”
Ready for a real connection
Tory – who grew up in Porirua, then Taranaki, before moving to Wellington as an adult – confesses her ideal man is someone kind and supportive, who shares the same values.
“A sense of humour is absolutely crucial and they must like dogs!” she adds.
“I’d love to share life with a partner. It’s time. No Tinder, though. It’s a dumpster fire! “But now that I have the time and capacity, and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, dating is something that I’m thinking about.”
Leading with heart and hustle
Tory has a lot to be proud of as Wellington’s first Māori mayor, especially as she says she’s fulfilled the majority of her campaign promises – apart from light rail. She’s loudly supported the arts and rainbow communities, while allocating $500m towards upgrading social housing for the capital’s most vulnerable people. She also assigned over $1b for water infrastructure improvements.
“In some ways, it has been an incredible couple of years and I’ve passed a $12 billion long-term plan I’m really proud of,” shares Tory.
“I’ve learnt just how resilient I am.”
The dark side of the spotlight
According to the mayor, it only took a couple of months in the political limelight before the online bullying began, which accelerated after she passed her first key policy.
“Then, of course, once the rumours started, things really went downhill,” says Tory, referring to media articles about alcoholism and her drinking habits.
“It was quite relentless with the level of online abuse and media attention. There were so many times I could’ve just bowed out because it was too hard and I thought, ‘This is really horrible.’ “I isolated myself and didn’t have a personal support system at home because my family is in Taranaki. That’s probably the only thing I would’ve changed. Other than that, I have no regrets and I’d do this again.”
Facing online abuse head-on
Tory says a lot of the bullying on social media focused on her appearance.
“People have said horrific things about me online and the way I look,” she shares.
“Someone called me a bullfrog and I was like, ‘Whatever!’ Then someone said I have bad hair and I was like, ‘How dare you?!’”
However, it’s not all easy to laugh off.
Tory continues, “One stranger on Instagram said he wanted to drag me behind his truck. When I reported it to Instagram, they came back saying it didn’t breach their community guidelines. It’s just not good enough.”
Fighting for change beyond politics
Tory recently joined several organisations which address online violence, like Internet New Zealand and the National Women’s Council. Through upcoming advocacy work, she intends to pursue legislative changes around social media moderation and hate speech.
“I may be stepping down from the city’s mayoralty, but I want to show that there are other ways to lead,” says Tory, who also plans to work as a professional speaker, focusing on resilience and leadership.
“I look forward to advocating for ways to create safer pathways for women into politics. We’ve seen an increased level of online violence towards women in the past few years and my experience has driven this fire for me to combat the problem.”
Support from the community
Although Tory’s copped negative criticism and abuse from a small group of people, the majority of the public have shown her encouragement, she says.
“Any time I went to an event or was walking through town, there was so much positivity,” she smiles.
“The people of Wellington are big huggers. I get hugs all the time. People hold my hand or tell me they love me. They’re who I represent – not the haters. That’s why I feel OK. I know I served my people.”
Taking time to heal and rebuild
With the annual budget and 10-year plan wrapped up, Tory is looking forward to taking a break from the mayoralty, which will be contested at elections with final results in October.
“Lately I’ve been taking a big breather, hanging with family and friends, walking my dog in nature, cooking, watching films and seeing the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra,” she tells.
“This has actually been the best few weeks of my life because I’m out and about again, and I’m happy. “It feels like the cloak is off and I’m rebuilding my life.”
