After being separated for five years and getting a divorce, Kelly Pogan (30) of oount oaunganui has said `I do!’ to ex-husband Shaun (31) for a second time.
**”I never fell out of love with him.” – Kelly’s story
**over my dead body,” I always said when anyone suggested I might reunite with my ex-husband, Shaun.
After our five-year marriage ended, I had another failed relationship and vowed, “Right, that’s it – I’m staying single until all my kids have left home.”
But after five years apart, I found myself smiling and saying, “Yes!” when Shaun got down on one knee and asked, “Kelly, will you marry me – again?”
It was the moment our three kids had longed for and it’s brought our family back together again.
I was 17 when I first met Shaun. My dad was managing an orchard in Tauranga and asked me if I wanted to work there. A few days after I started, I noticed a cute guy packing kiwifruit.
At the season’s end, the packhouse had a party and we went together. I don’t remember if it was an official “date” but, after that night, our relationship got serious. Then I got pregnant and it was a shock to both of us.
“Well, I guess we should get married,” Shaun said but I was having none of it – I was so young. But I finally agreed.
I carried a big bouquet to cover my bump at the ceremony, which felt so rushed.
When Tyler was born, he was such a wonderful baby we decided to have more kids quickly. I loved being a mum and wife. Shaun was working long hours but it was no big deal to me then. Then I gave birth to Abby and Shaun’s hours increased even more.
When I was pregnant with our third child, olivia, Abby became unwell with allergies. That’s when Shaun’s working hours became an issue. I really needed him around. Tyler had started misbehaving, Abby developed bad eczema and olivia also had allergies.
I was young and I didn’t know how to communicate properly with my husband. I felt so overwhelmed, I didn’t know what to do. So I cried a lot and threw tantrums at Shaun every time he walked in the door.
one day I simply got fed up. Shaun had become just another person I needed to feed and do laundry for.
“If he was gone,” I thought, “he couldn’t let me down any more”. So when Shaun left, it was a relief. It was two months until the kids even noticed he was gone. one day Tyler asked, “Doesn’t Daddy live with us any more?”
Shortly after we broke up, Shaun told me he was going overseas. I was furious with him; how could he leave his kids? But by the time he came back, I was in a new relationship, the kids were happy and life had moved on.
Shaun also met someone and asked me to sign divorce papers. At first I shrugged it off but as the court date approached, I became really emotional. on the day our divorce was made final, I was a complete mess. I was grieving for the loss of my future – a future I had been planning with Shaun since I was 17.
Eventually both of our relationships ended and Shaun and I found we could be friends. The girls’ allergies became manageable, and Tyler and olivia had a diagnosis for their behavioural problems. I felt more settled and stopped feeling so edgy and stressed out.
one night I heard a noise in the living room. I got out of bed and found Shaun on the sofa. He had a key to the house and had crashed there after a night out. A bit drunk and emotional, he told me he regretted missing time with the kids. I went back to bed, thinking about his words.
The next morning the children were so excited to see him there. Abby asked, “Is Daddy coming to church with us?” Shaun said okay – and that was it. Soon we were together most of the time and I knew I still loved him.
A couple of months later, Shaun asked me if he could have my original engagement ring back – so I knew he was planning to propose. We got married last February and had a honeymoon up North together.
our second wedding was so special and it was neat to be able to share it with our children. I haven’t fallen back in love with Shaun – I simply never fell out of love with him.
**”I’m not losing my family again” – Shaun’s story
**Packing kiwifruit was one of the most boring jobs I ever had. Thankfully, a pretty girl named Kelly was there for me to chat to while I worked.
It was 1992, I was 18 and she was 17. It wasn’t love at first sight – but as the weeks passed and we got to know each other better, things changed. We started dating and eventually moved in together.
Young and in love, time simply flew by. When Kelly got pregnant, I was shocked – but I wanted to do the right thing so I asked her to marry me.
The wedding, in oay of 1995, wasn’t huge or expensive but it was a good day.
Kelly was heavily pregnant so we didn’t have a honeymoon. I liked married life. And when Abby was diagnosed with allergies, I thought that Kelly was okay about dealing with it so I buried myself in work.
Work became an easy way to avoid problems at home. Kelly needed me but I wasn’t there for her.
When olivia started having problems too, I was working even longer hours. Soon Kelly and I were like strangers.
one day, she snapped. “Enough is enough,” she told me. “It’s got to end.”
I moved in with some friends but the reality that our relationship was over took a while to sink in.
“She doesn’t mean it,” I thought. “She’ll take me back soon.”
I went overseas, thinking it would help me get over Kelly – but I missed her even more. The distance helped though. By the time I came back, both of us had found new partners.
Two years later, both of our relationships broke down but Kelly and I had become friends again and supported each other. However, I hadn’t thought about getting back together with Kelly. I felt I had completely moved on.
one Saturday night I was walking home after having drinks in town. Kelly’s house was closer than mine so I let myself in and crashed on her sofa. I woke up on Sunday morning with a huge headache and my kids yelling about church.
I don’t know why I said I’d go with them to the service but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. It was lovely to date my wife again and it felt so special to ask her to marry me for a second time.
I’ve finally learned to balance my family life with my work as manager for a haulage company. My family matters more than anything and I’m not losing them again. As told to Jonica Bray Photograph by Ross Brown
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