Pictures: Charlotte Anderson
Kristyl Neho knows where the bodies are buried, how to line a coffin and dig a grave, and as the performer fronting the national stage tour of Tangihanga, her one-woman show, she’s paying tribute to the man who taught her all she knows.
For Kristyl, 41, the customs of tangihanga, the traditional Māori funeral, are second nature. Her late grandparents, Ansie and Mane Neho raised her in the ’80s. But to Kristyl, they were simply “Mum and Dad”.
On paper, Mane was a mortician. To all who knew him, he was so much more. Bolstered by a deep respect for those who had passed, he was delicate in honouring them, even though they were no longer here. He not only arranged the tangi, but sang and played the guitar too. In and around the urupā – the burial ground – Mane could be found, with a young Kristyl in tow.
“He’s the most influential person I know,” shares Kristy. “He had an impact on so many people, just from the way that he was as a person. During such a sensitive time in people’s lives, to create the aroha that makes people feel supported is such a beautiful gift.”
Kristyl is of Ngāpuhi and Ngāti Kahungunu descent. She remembers telling her schoolmates in the ’90s that she’d seen hundreds of dead bodies. That’s when she discovered in the ensuing silence that her “normal” wasn’t shared by everyone else.
There was also the time when Mane picked her up from school in his hearse. Or when they picked up a hitchhiker with a coffin in the rear.
She and her brother spent a lot of time at the urupā when they were children.
“This is probably not a good thing,” she admits. “But we would take flowers from people who had lots and put them on those that didn’t have flowers. Then, we’d sing songs to them.”
It wasn’t until Kristyl was in her teens that she understood why the kitchen table was always stocked with crates of peaches and kaimoana, and that sometimes people paid for the funeral services in kai or oftentimes not at all.
“There were people that were beautiful to him. However, sometimes there were really crusty people who just did not pay what they actually owed,” she says.
Kristyl often played debt collector in these situations and when nobody fronted up, Mane would cover it.
“I wondered if there was a lack of self-worth because he didn’t demand what he was worth,” she reflects. “It’s made me demand this from others and maybe I ruffled a few feathers along the way.”
Kristyl believes Mane and Ansie’s mana, and the power they instilled in her, are what drives her now.
“I’m paving my own little path that’s for me and I use my parents as guardians to guide me,” she tells.
She’s developed her craft across 25 years as a writer, director, actor and producer, but the word she uses is “storyteller”.
“It’s been my joy to not only share my own story, but also to showcase others’ stories,” she enthuses. “That somebody, somewhere, will be going through something, and can look at these stories and feel aided.”
Tangihanga, co-directed by Eunice August-Smith, was seeded in Kristyl’s mind at Mane’s tangihanga. Though it’s a work of fiction, it finesses the natural drama of a tangi.
Kristyl plays 30 characters on stage. There’s the aunty that “wears the dramatic hat” and is always on the cusp of revealing whānau secrets. Then, the funny uncles, the nannies, young people and a trans character too. All of these characters descend upon the marae to say farewell. And as whānau share their memories, you discover new depths to the love you feel for that person.
Kristyl’s work traces that point when the tangi takes on a life of its own, no longer solely about the deceased, as people are pushed into the same space and all their pressures bubble over, when the “unresolved issues and interactions that can no longer be avoided” converge like tectonic plates.
In the nearly 15 years since his passing, not a week goes by without somebody asking Kristyl if she’s related to the “great Mane Neho”. She believes there’s power in championing his story as a hard worker and pillar of the community, who was far too busy doing the job to ever stand back and be celebrated.
“For the amount of impact he had in this community, I feel like he should be publicly acknowledged,” says Kristyl. “Dad embraced everybody. It didn’t matter what you were, who you loved or how you loved, he just absolutely loved you. He definitely was my hero.”
Tangihanga is part of the Aronui Indigenous Arts Festival in Rotorua this Thursday. For tickets and more info, visit aronuiartsfestival.com.
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