Photography: Carmen Bird
Emma Lehman’s journey to motherhood began with an extraordinary act of love from her sister-in-law and surrogate, Maddy.
“It’s become the ultimate family bonding experience,” smiles Emma, 38.
Along with her husband Travis, 39, Emma first shared their story with the Weekly in late 2024 as they eagerly awaited the birth of their daughter. Now, one year on from welcoming Lila into the world, they share how life-changing their experiences with surrogacy have been.
“Life is definitely more fun with Lila here,” enthuses Emma.
The final countdown
In early February last year, they arrived in San Francisco, where Travis’ sister Maddy lives, certain they would meet their baby any day.
Emma laughs, recalling, “We were all naïvely convinced she would come early.”
But little Lila was in no rush, waiting until March 4 to make her entrance into the world.
“I kept saying it was the ultimate compliment to Maddy, who was such a dream surrogate that Lila was just so content in there,” reflects Emma.
A special bond
Living in Auckland, where US-born Emma and Travis moved in 2019, while Maddy was still in America, meant their time together during the pregnancy was limited. So being reunited allowed Emma to feel more connected to her baby.
“You know in theory the baby in her belly is yours, but it’s surreal and hard to wrap your head around the concept,” admits Emma.
“I was so happy we were able to have more bonding time while Maddy was pregnant.”
The big day arrives
Eight days past her due date, Maddy, who is already mum to seven-year-old Samantha, went in for an induction.
Emma shares, “We got to the hospital with Colby, Maddy’s partner, and it was kind of funny because normally people are used to seeing one couple, not two, come in to have a baby.”
Emma was diagnosed at a young age with Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome, a congenital disorder that mainly affects the female reproductive system. It meant she was born without a uterus and only one kidney. While she still has ovaries, and was able to use her own eggs and Travis’ sperm to have their own biological child, Emma always knew her dream of motherhood would require extra support.
Watching Maddy in awe
During labour, she was in awe of Maddy.
“I was nervous I wouldn’t know what to do or say in the moment, but it came naturally,” Emma remembers.
“She was so incredible and fierce.”
In a decision that felt deeply important to Emma and Travis, Maddy was the first to hold Lila.
The first cuddle
“She carried her and delivered her, and had done all that hard work,” explains Emma.
Then came the handover.
“It was so beautiful,” shares Emma, who will never forget the first moments of holding her girl.
“Everything happened in seconds, but Maddy held her while they cleaned her up and then handed her to me.”
In the days that followed, the hospital became a hub of celebration with visits from proud grandparents, sushi feasts and a well-earned martini for Maddy.
Humour through it all
“I have this hilarious picture of Maddy in a wheelchair, but all she’s holding is a purse, like my job is done, this is all I need,” laughs Emma.
“She had the best sense of humour, even right after giving birth.”
While they waited to complete the legal adoption process and applied for Lila’s passport to bring her home to New Zealand, Emma and Travis travelled to St Louis with their 10-day-old daughter to introduce her to the rest of the family.
“She was such a long-awaited baby and we just wanted everyone to meet her,” smiles Emma, who in the past had also tried unsuccessfully to conceive with a selfless Kiwi surrogate for two years.
The legal reality
In New Zealand, the current surrogacy laws, which are undergoing review, require the intended parents to legally adopt their baby after birth, regardless of whose egg is used. Now back home, Emma treasures every small moment with Lila.
“She loves swimming and the beach, and going on walks, just like a little outdoor Kiwi,” says Emma, who hopes to have another child via surrogacy one day.
“I love motherhood. It’s definitely a steep learning curve and I’m in the trenches learning as I go, just like anyone else.”
In fact, it’s that “just like anyone else” feeling which has been so healing.
“There were times I grappled with the notion I was being defined by surrogacy,” shares Emma, who started the podcast SurroTales to connect with and share stories of others on the same journey.
“Now the message is, for all of the ups and downs on our journey to become parents, it was so incredibly worth it.”
