Breaking up is always hard, regardless of whether you are the “dumper” or the “dumpee”.
Too often we stay in a relationship that no longer serves us well, and soon become trapped in a downward spiral of emotional misery. Staying true to yourself is a hard thing to do, and being upfront and honest from the beginning takes courage and a strong sense of self.
We never intend to hurt the person we have built pipe dreams with, or a partner we have made a life with, but there comes a time when all the shit comes to the surface to be addressed. If we haven’t been totally honest with ourselves, it will be horrid.
I trust everyone has the best of intentions to make a relationship work at the beginning. The infatuating magic carpet ride that gives us wings and the energy to move mountains to be together is invigorating.
However, desires can change. If the channels of communication aren’t clear, a change of heart will feel like an avalanche when the news “I don’t want to do this any more” comes.
So why does it change? Who knows!
Everyone is different. On a superficial level, someone better looking has caught your eye. Or on a deeper level we discover that our value systems are different, our outlook is obsolete or we are still not ready to be a grown-up and commit.
As humans, things change. The adult thing to do is to get some balls, to tell it like it is in the most diplomatic way. Most of us admire a partner who has the strength to articulate their feelings as they arise, or who can identify a hideous situation that’s bubbling under the surface. We may not like it at the time, but we appreciate it in hindsight.
Too often we get smacked with a hideously foul mood swing that relates to something that happened a week ago. Or we feel a seemingly instant resignation (that’s been bottled for years) and are left wondering, “What just happened?”
I have been prone to the odd mood swing, leaving partners hanging, but they have been strong enough to teach me how to deal with emotional hell in a grown-up way, by forcing me to keep it simple and honest. Thank you, chaps.
To admit the honeymoon period is over or the flames are now embers is incredibly hard to articulate let alone hear. But the reality is, “You are no longer the one.”
Recently, I saw a great saying that is wonderfully comforting:
“The end of a relationship is a gift. It’s the opportunity to find someone a thousand times better.”
